Here's our short answer: They simply don't need it.
According to the National Institude of Health and the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average TV time for children, per day, is 3 hours. This can actually be more if you include the time the tv is left on as background noise. Added with other types of screens from phones, computers, and others, it averages out to 7 hours per day.
And you know what, adult screen-time is even worse - averaging 11 hours a day.
11 hours! That's almost half of our day STARING AT A SCREEN OF SOME TYPE.
Ever feel like that? (see pic above) ...too much media exposure.
I think most of us either live, or have grown up in, a home where media or tv had a prevalent place in our households; we may have become used to always having a constant din of noise in the background, sometimes even as we fall asleep. Think of the typical American-style set-up of a family room: Couches and tables all oriented toward a television/entertainment center.
That's a picture of our living room - we have our tv secretly (ok, well it's not a secret) stowed away in this armoir. We don't like having the tv exposed unless we're actually using it; when we're not using it, doors close and Mr. TV gets forgotten about until next time. We don't believe in giving credit where credit is not due. :P But this reality in the typical American living room is no coincidence: We Americans are so deeply habituated to television, iPhones and other media being a prevalent part of our lives. If we are not careful in disciplining ourselves with it and regulating our "diet" of it, all of this excessive exposure to media (and I think for most of us, it is excessive) does have an impact on us.
Using these things in and of itself are not bad or wrong. But anything done to excess is harmful for us which is why we need to have self-discipline or "rules" about it. The virtue of temperance comes in handy here.
Why, Ultimately, We Have Little Screen Time
In our home, we limit any type of screen time to about 1 hour per day and this typically happens at night. Some days, there's none, especially in the summer time because we'll typically be outside to the very last minute. There may be 2-3 times a week where we watch a movie together or Bill puts on a basketball game foran occasional recreational enjoyment, but other than this, the reason why we do so is simple: There simply is no need.
There may be intermittent times for music or audiobooks or playing an alphabet game on the computer too - it varies from day to day. Some days we'll do one of these things, other days we don't. But by and large, we believe that children don't need an average of 5 hours a day of media exposure....not even 3 hours.
They have their own wild imaginations, their own loud sounds they love to make, their own fun
sense of play and discovery that does far more for their own development than any device. I personally don't see how there is any necessity to put on the tv during the day (even while I'm home with the kids all day) because there's much for us to do, and much of an imagination for these kids to get lost in. The only "necessity" would be to make it easier on myself - but I can be that stubborn that I won't even bend for my own ease. Unless a child is sick and needs to rest, or it would be a pleasant little change for the kids to throw something on for a short time, I won't. Between going to Mass in the morning, reading, "school," playing, rest time, meal times, and family time in the evening, it brings us to a full day! During our rest time, the two youngest nap and our oldest, who is 4, still has a quiet rest time - but that's hit or miss. I'll leave him with a pile of picture books he's picked out, maybe a magnadoodle; 50% of the time, he'll nap; the other 50% of the time, he'll remain awake looking through books (or wrestling around with the pillows on our bed like he's a lion...such as he's doing today). Even during rest time, which may be 1-2 hours, I avoid giving him a contraption during that time...there's just no need.
The Lord made children with wild imaginations and an "enhanced sense" of wonder and awe that it naturally allows them to live such pleasant days through the simplest of realities. The problem is that our culture, and we ourselves sometimes, may condition our children to believe these are a "need" and a prevalent part of daily living.
Young children simply don't need them. As they grow, and their responsibilities and obligations change, rules may change - they'll get a phone at some point, be allowed to use limited free time on the computer, etc.... We'll see when they get there. But teens, children - especially young children - are very vulnerable and impressionable and self-centered by nature. It is difficult for them to pick up self-control and self-discipline unless they are taught. We make the best of parenting them in their youth in order to teach them these things so that when they mature into young adults, they will have a good grasp on the virtues of temperance and sacrifice, which inspires that self-control and self-discipline. Then, hopefully, through this continual "discipling" of one's children, they will take those acquired virtues and apply them to regulating their own adult lives - it may involve "easing up" on their use of phone apps and their cell phone, or "cutting back" on internet time when they see themselves getting carried away. The life-skill is that they've learned temperance and sacrifice all through their childhood and as they've grown and situations changed, they've become accustomed with acting virtuously when it's needed for their eternal good and the good of others.
The virtues we want to foster as Christian parents which excessive media use do not help:
1. Sacrifice, self-denial, and self-control.
Hedonism is not good. As Christian, while pleasure is a good thing, it is not the be all and end all of our existence. We don't live for pleasure. We live for the Lord and to be with Him in heaven after we die. This therefore may require times of sacrifice - sacrificing our own passions and desires - for the good of one's siblings, for the good and happiness of another over oneself, for the good of our family, and the like. No, it may not "feel good" at first for a child to "give up" their favorite ball to make another child who hasn't anything to play with, but that's virtue and the life of sacrifice that's part of being Christian. Needless to say, this has to be "discipled" in them the right way...I don't go and grab the ball from my son and force him to give it to another; it has to come from the goodness of his own heart. If there is a selfish moment, we must take the time to explain and "disiciple" them into understanding the heart of Christ.
In the spiritual life, sometimes we must deny ourselves an immediate pleasure (be it sin or some other thing) for the good and purity of our souls. This involves self-denial and self-control. Children, born with the consequences of original sin, are naturally self-centered - they get upset that a child is taking their toy, they nag and nag and nag until they get a snack or get their way. Too often it's tempting to either give in or chuck an iPhone or some other electronic device in front of them to "get them to shut up & entertain them" and restore our peace. But what is giving them some entertaining, electronic device training them in? The instant gratification of pleasure for their bad behavior (because what little kid is NOT going to enjoy and be mesmorized by these things?).
This discipling in the ways of Christ is a 24 hour process - not a lesson you teach from the book. And most importantly, we must be living a life of sacrifice ourselves. When we raise our children with the understanding that heaven is our eternal reward and that each time we do something good, we build up "treasure in heaven," it becomes more natural for a child to be more empathetic, to deny his own wants in order to give to another just like Christ. THIS IS POSSIBLE for young children to understand...it just takes patience, prayer, time, and consistency.
2. Patience.
Yes, we are so used to being immediately gratified that we get aggravated when our computer is taking 2 minutes to process, our phone is on a 5-second delay, or we have to wait 5 minutes at a long red light. Again, this constant over-stimulation of a child's brain by bright colors, noises, and movement does not aid in teaching a child to be patient and "wait." Go, go, go, stimulation, stimulation, stimulation! Children are energy-packed as it is, we don't need to feed into that and over-stimulate our children. I wouldn't doubt that there may be children who are wrongly diagnosed with ADHD because of the consequences of over-stimulation...but then again, I'm not a doctor. :P
3. Being present to the moment.
It's so easy to become self-absorbed and "taken away from the world" when we get hooked for more than an appropriate amount of time on these electronic devices. It takes us away from more of an awareness of our family and the people around us; it removes us from the current situation and makes us less aware of how God may be calling us to take action. We miss opportunities to pray, to help people, to talk with one another, to revel in the delight of having our family amidst us, all because we are so absorbed in using these things. This does the same for our children. P.S. - This past Advent season, I gave up Facebook entirely for the first time. It was awesome. I highly recommend such a resolution for Lent! Wait until you see for yourself how freeing it is.
As a Christian parent too, we need a proper sense of peace and stillness in our lives and homes in order to hear the Lord's voice and be in touch with Him throughout our day. Even amidst the craziness and loudness of children, this peace always remains because as our Lord said, His peace is not the peace of this world, as we typically think of peace - it is a sense of rest and calm that lays deep in our souls.
We need to foster this healthy sense of silence and stillness in our homes too by not always stimulating the day with electronic devices, media, and noise, noise, noise. When our children are always exposed to noise and stimulation through these devices, it drowns out their ability to sense those moments of thanks and love to God and to each other. Too much of it also takes us away from one another and makes us focused on the device. ...Yeah, it may "stop fights," but in the end, it doesn't really stop anything except a child's ability to gracefully live with the everyday family realities they may not always find so pleasant. This does no good for them in the real world.
In the end, I think the only reason we give our young children these things, and have them watch as much as they do, is because it's convenient for us. It distracts them, hushes them, helps keep them "behaved," stops them from asking questions, whatever.... I do think that in the end, the reason we let 3, 4, 5, or even 7 hours of screen time slip in is because it just makes "being a parent" easier.
....But then again, are we acting as a true parent when we often take the easy way out for the sake of convenience and ease for ourselves?