Here's a picture of what daily prayer time looks like in our home: My children run into our prayer room immediately after I ask them to come and gather for prayer. They kneel piously before the image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and Our Lady of Fatima statue and lovingly gaze upon them. Then, they close their eyes with their hands clasped and devoutly pray.
Or not.
Absolutely not.
When you have a little gaggle of tiny children, it rarely looks like this. Actually, it NEVER does when it's all four of the children together at the same time (not in my experience at least!). Do you ever think, "What's the point? Ugh, this is SO frustrating!" I know I do.
Pray on prayer warriors! And pray anyway! This is half of the battle: Making that choice to be faithful to the Lord in leading our little ones in the way of prayer, day in and day out.
So, when you are about to round up your children for morning prayer and you dread doing even just that....pray anyway.
When you know it will probably take a good 20 minutes of exerted energy in rounding up the troops and "managing" them through that time....pray anyway. (I say 20 minutes because as any other mother of young children will know, it takes time to round them up and get them together, then it takes even more time among all the interruptions and distractions and disciplining. So what is supposed to be a simple 5 minute routine gets stretched out to 20 minutes...)
When a child tells you "I don't feel like praying," pray anyway. (And then tell them that often you don't feel like making dinner for them, but you choose to do that anyway because it's the right thing to do and you love them. This is why we pray - because it's the right thing we ought to do out of love for God).
When your toddler bounces around the room during prayer time, despite your attempts to restrain them in your lap, pray anyway.
When your child gets up and down during prayers to "fix" the altar and pick out 50 different religious books to "look at," while inside you are getting very annoyed, pray anyway.
When your child throws a tantrum because you wouldn't let him bring a toy to play with during prayer for that short time and you have to get up and put him in a time-out, pray anyway. (Although an older child should have slightly different expectations than one who is a toddler or baby; be conscious of their age and ability)
When a child throws food across the table in the middle of grace and you aggravatingly want to throw it back at them, pray anyway.
When you lose patience and yell in the middle of praying with your children...humble yourself and pray anyway.
When you know your child is going to ask a random question completely unrelated to anything you were praying or reading about (and he does), and you wonder "Is he even listening? What is the point?" ....Pray anyway.
When you leave Mass forgetting what the propers and readings were even about (because of tending to the little ones), keep going anyway. Pray anyway.
When, during your prayer time, you have to nurse a crying baby with one arm and with the other arm stop a toddler from knocking over your coffee, pray anyway.
God's grace is there. He is working through the horrible job you are doing....or feel like you are doing, I should say ;) We're tempted to get frustrated or to give up this whole endeavor sometimes because praying with little children is oh-so-NOT-easy.
On top of this, I can't even recall how many times I think, "How can I possibly lead my children to the Lord when I myself am so lacking in grace and virtue? I hope they don't follow my horrible example." But that's the thing: It's not us that does this incredible work in our children, it's the Holy Spirit. (Reality check for Jess). The more broken and lacking we realize that we are, the more "poor in spirit" we become, the more room we make for God to take control and do His Work through us.
The point of this is to encourage us to make a daily commitment to teach our children the way of prayer...despite the "obstacles." Perfection (in a routine sense) will be that we keep the same spiritual practices with them, day in and day out. But, we need to realize that we're not perfect people and that hardly anything ever goes the way we may have envisioned it. We also have limits and we reach points of exhaustion. We may miss certain times of prayer we usually like to pray. That happens; it's ok.
But what is important is to be consistent so that it creates a habit in our children over time...a habit that leads (we hope) to an authentic relationship with our Creator. And, as I've said in a previous post, it's most important to remember that encouraging our children to pray and praying with them must be overwhelmingly dominated by affection, patience, tenderness, warmth and love. Harsh reactions, coldness, severity and rigidity will do nothing but harden their hearts on the inside, even if on the outside they seem to comply. What's more important than the exterior comformity is the interior desire and love we must cultivate, by God's grace and inspirations, in our children. The ways we draw our children out of themselves to prayer must be overall tender and gentle and in accord with their unique little selves.
Where would you say your leadership of prayer generally falls? Crabby? Snappy? Annoyed? Yelling? Frustrated? Complaining? .... Or patient? Loving? Warm? Firm yet gentle? Tender? Is our home dominated by these things? If we desire our child's faith to stick, perhaps we need to change our general disposition when teaching it. Perhaps the atmosphere of our home has to change a bit.
In reality, I'm sure you are doing a great job! Pray on. Don't stop leading your little ones. The devil works through discouragement. Oh how he would love you to not bring your children to Mass and to not lead them in prayer each day! Oh how he would love you to think that just because you struggle with a certain vice in rearing your children that you should stop this endeavor of praying with them! All the more you need to fall on your knees. The guidance of a spiritual director and wisdom of a godly mother with older children (and other mothers in your boat) are also very wise avenues of advice.
To the right is this picture of St. George. Pictures of St. George usually depict him killing a dragon. From EWTN, I will quote:
This representation is no more than an emblematical figure, purporting that by his faith and Christian fortitude he conquered the devil, called the dragon in the Apocalypse (Book of Revelation). Legend has it that he was a soldier in the army of the Roman Emperor Diocletian, and he was one of the Emperor's favorite soldiers. Now Diocletian was a pagan and a bitter enemy to the Christians. He put to death every Christian he could find. St. George, though in the favor of the emperor, laid aside the marks of his dignity, threw up his commission and posts, and complained to the emperor himself of his severities and bloody edicts. He was immediately cast into prison, and tried, first by promises, and afterwards put to the question and tortured with great cruelty; but nothing could shake his constancy. The next day he was led through the city and beheaded.
Though many dishonour the profession of arms by a licentiousness of manners, yet, to show us that perfect sanctity is attainable in all states, we find the names of more soldiers recorded in the Martyrologies than almost of any other profession. Every true disciple of Christ must be a martyr in the disposition of his heart, as he must be ready to lose all, and to suffer anything, rather than to offend God. Every good Christian is also a martyr, by the patience and courage with which he bears all trials. There is no virtue more necessary, nor of which the exercise ought to be more frequent, than patience. In this mortal life we have continually something to suffer from disappointments in affairs, from the severity of the seasons, from the injustice, caprice, peevishness, jealousy, or antipathy of others; and from ourselves, in pains either of mind or body. Even our own weaknesses and faults are to us subjects of patience. And as we have continually many burdens, both of our own and others, to bear, it is only in patience that we are to possess our souls. This affords us comfort in all our sufferings and maintains our souls in unshaken tranquillity and peace. This is true greatness of mind and the virtue of heroic souls.
Let us be patient in this endeavor as we suffer, pray and struggle to teach our little ones the way of prayer. You are not alone. Pray on! Pray anyway!
"Look upon me, have pity on me...preserve my soul and rescue me; do not let me be disgraced, for in you I seek refuge. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; I wait for you, O Lord."
~ Psalm 25:16, 20-21
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