My oldest son is at a good age where we can start helping him to delve a little deeper in the spiritual life. As a result, my husband and I decided we will use this Lenten season to do just that. Essentially, the purpose of this Lenten season is to draw us closer to God through prayer, almsgiving and fasting so that we may enter into the joy of Christ's Resurrection at Easter.
Self-knowledge is essential for growing in union with God.
John Nicholas Grou wrote a spiritual treatise called Spiritual Maxims a few centuries ago. In it, he says:
All Christian sanctity is contained in two things: the knowledge of God, and the knowledge of self. 'Lord, that I may know Thee' cried St. Augustine, 'and that I may know myself'...The knowledge of God elevates the soul; knowledge of self keeps it humble. The former raises the soul to contemplate something of the depths of the divine perfections, the latter lowers it to the abyss of its own nothingness and sin. The amazing thing is that the very knowledge of God which raises man up, at the same time humbles him by the comparison of himself with God. Similarly self-knowledge, while it humbles him, lifts him up by the very necessity of approaching God in order to find solace in his misery.
We need self-knowledge and an unending desire to know our defects so that we can surrender those over to the Lord and be transformed by His grace. Knowledge of self allows us to be set free to fly to God. Every time we come to discover, by God's gentleness and mercy, another hidden defect within ourselves, we experience a deeper degree of freedom and love. It truly is incredible.
Diminishing vice and building up virtue
As a background picture, most nights I do an examination of conscience (fitting for their age and development) with my two oldest (they are "almost-four" and five and a half); in the morning we make a particular resolution against one of our vices (this is called a particular examen) and will include that in the examination of conscience at the end of the day. Through doing this practice daily, the boys seem to have a better sense as to where they struggle (as opposed to if we did not do this). It is good to remember that progress through the particular examen is not seen quickly, but over a span of time. And for we who are older, that length of time will depend on God's grace and how He ordains He will draw us out of that vice; it may depend on how deeply rooted within the soul that sin is (generally, a vice that has been sowed for a large part of one's lifetime will take a longer time to uproot versus one that's been present for just a couple months); and it will depend on how humbly and persistently one prays for God's grace to overcome it and how one cooperates with those graces.
Ok, with that said, here are some steps we could take to prepare young children for Lent with regards to introducing them the particular examen - a spiritual practice highly stressed by St. Ignatius of Loyola:
1. Prayerfully reflect upon what faults they struggle with the most and ways that they could grow closer to the Lord (that are age appropriate). For example, if they seem possessive and too attached to things, have them concentrate on generosity by sharing and giving things away. Consider their age, their tendencies, and their interests. This can all work together within a Lenten resolution that's fitting for them and one that will keep them motivated. Keep in mind that they are young; one resolution for them to focus on is enough (often that's enough for us to focus on too!).
2. Have a little talk with your child and talk about how Lent is approaching and that this is a great time to grow closer to the Lord. (If you have a boy, I find it best to have the father do this). Mention how among the various family traditions you may do together (Stations of the Cross, a sacrifice jar, or whatever else your family may come up with), that each person of the family also makes their own spiritual goal that will help them grow closer to Jesus: "Take this next week or so to think and pray about a what you need to work on so that you can be closer to Jesus and how you want to do that." Remind them of this from time to time so that just prior to the time Ash Wednesday arrives, they have a pretty good idea of what they might want to focus on.
3. Do this with them and see what their suggestions are for you (within reason...not "You should try to give us ice cream every night"). As a parent, raising your children is your vocation; our relationship with our children is so very important. Perhaps they may bring up some fault they see in you that would do well for you to improve upon. How humbling this might be for us! "Mommy, maybe you can not use your phone so much when we're together," or "Can you try to be more patient and not yell?" - you get the idea. Do not fear about this lessening your authority over them or fear that they will take advantage of you through this; they are little children and so sincere and genuine. If anything, it makes them more tender towards you and helps them understand more clearly that the family is God's "school of love" wherein we daily help one another to reach our heavenly destination.
4. Before Ash Wednesday, ask them if they came up with some sin they'd like to work on and also present a couple of your ideas to your child (that I mentioned in #1) if that seems necessary. Now let them choose what their Lenten resolution for their spiritual life during Lent will be.
Letting them choose as well have having guided them through this process of pondering and praying upon what they need to do will teach them something important about the spiritual life: That we need to always be aware of our faults and strive for ways to rid ourselves of them to grow closer to the Lord. We are never to be complacent in the spiritual life; if we are, it is a sign of the vice of spiritual sloth.
Letting them choose also teaches them initiative in growing closer to the Lord, rather than something you're always doing for them. As parents, we want to give our children the "tools" of discipleship as they grow and mature, rather than doing everything for them. That way it becomes something ingrained in them that they will hopefully continue to do as they become more independent and "leave the nest." As the old saying goes, "Give a child a fish, feed him for a day; teach a child how to fish, feed him for a lifetime."
5. Find a creative way for them to keep track. This is helpful for young children. Do it in a way that will motivate them more. If you have a competitive son, trying using a point system. For example, my oldest son likes rocks, so we might - depending on what he chooses to do - keep track by letting him collect a bunch of rocks from outside, have him wash them off while reminding him how we want the Lord to wash our souls clean, and then let him put one in a jar at a time as he strives to focus on his spiritual goal. Perhaps you can have them make a calendar where he or she marks off their progress for each day with stickers. Remember, you can even do this "tracking system" for yourself (with whatever defect was suggested to you by the kids) and display it alongside your children's.
6. Keep "checkpoints" throughout the day; this prevents the resolutions from fading away or from being forgotten as Lent progresses. Meal times and the end of the day are all practical times to do these "checkpoints." For example, "How are we doing with our Lenten Resolutions? Did you remember to go put something in your jar?" Or, "I better go to my Lenten jar to put my pebble in!" I think you get the idea!
Throughout Lent, remind them of the reason they're doing this: To prepare their souls to rejoice with Jesus at Easter and grow closer to Him! Don't let them just give something up or do something "just because it's what you're supposed to do at Lent" without a true spiritual reason and a clear intention to work on some area of their spiritual life. Encourage them and most importantly pray for them throughout this little Lenten journey, that they will reap the fruit of their efforts.
Hopefully, this will be a stepping stone to the spiritual practice of the particular examen, which is really an on-going practice we should all be doing throughout our entire lives. I'm looking forward to doing this with my kids and being challenged in this way as well! Lord knows I need it! ;)
What things are you doing to deepen the spiritual life of your child this Lent? I'd love to hear!
"I will instruct you and show you the way you should walk,
give you counsel with My eye upon you."
- Psalm 32:8