A child gets her finger caught in the car door. Spilt flour on the floor. A ten-month old who gravitates to the cat litter box, sticks his hand in, and eats cat poop. One brother gives his older brother a good pop in the face, leaving him with a bloody lip. Quibbles and squabbles. Me wondering if our neighbors hear me yelling at the kids sometimes... These are just a few highlights from the past FOUR days.
But we've also had many joyful and tender moments!
Like this...
...or watching this...
....staring at this...
...or catching John-Paul and Teresa doing this.
Mothering and raising children is certainly not easy...nor is it meant to be. But it definitely is joyful and fulfilling. That being said, I'd thought I'd share two important "keys" to joyful mothering. Joyfully mothering our children doesn't mean every moment is one of heavenly bliss, but these keys will help us embrace our vocation to the fullest and allow us experience and realize how joyful and fulfilling being a mother really is.
1. Have a prayer life - one that you seek to deepen.
This is THE most important. Prayer is the wellspring of everything we need, especially in regards to our vocation of motherhood. A thriving prayer life is one that seeks to "go into the deep" every day with the Lord, and yet still desires to go deeper. Is your prayer one that leads you to seek union with God, more and more? We can know by judging by the fruits of our prayer: Are you growing in virtue and eliminating sin and vice? Another one of the fruits of an authentic prayer life is that it leads one to pray more as time passes.
Having a daily prayer time is the key. Prayer is where we draw our strength for the day. Prayer is being with the Lord; it is speaking to Him and listening to Him. The Lord is the source of all love, all patience, all strength, all meekness, all right judgement, all joy, all peace, etc... (you know, all those things we need to be the best moms we can be and reach heaven one day!). When we draw from the Lord, Who is the source of these things, then we can pour them out upon our children. We can love better, we can be more patient, we can be more circumspect in our judgement, we can be more joyful and happy.
Do you pray daily and seek to grow in your prayer life? If praying daily is a difficult thing, I recommend you check out this post called 7 Ways to Make Time for Prayer. Without prayer, we will get on "empty" a lot quicker (in my experience!). Without prayer, we lose so much. Remember, prayer is not meant to make motherhood easier, but with the Lord everything we go through and every burden we carry is so much lighter...
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light. [Matthew 11:30]
To joyfully experience motherhood, we need a prayer life! (By the way, this of course includes attending Mass every Sunday and Holy Day and frequenting the Sacrament of Confession!). A prayer life which includes such is a fountain of grace! Amen!
NOW....we're moms! So there's going to be mornings here and there where we sleep in, nights that have been long, and children to tend to. The Lord understands this. But let us always strive to set a daily time for prayer. And if you notice that lately you've been missing it, see what you need to change. Is it the time? Are you just being lazy? Are you getting sucked into doing other things that are taking its place? Do you keep your phone by you, which causes distraction?
Is it because you've been sick? That's fine...let the sickness pass; your suffering becomes a prayer. Adjusting to a newborn and the schedule is just all wacky? Just keep an eye open for those "pockets of prayer" - those little short minutes you have nursing the baby, a few minutes here, a few minutes there, etc... But never, never, never, stop striving for a consistent, daily prayer life. That is the goal; if you miss it here and there, no fret. If you notice a pattern, see what needs changed.
2. Be willing to die to yourself.
This sounds so morbid, doesn't it? DIE TO YOURSELF. haha. But really, this is one of the beautiful paradoxes of being Christian. Let me explain...
I know I may have quoted this before, but St. John Paul II often said that one cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of self. This is what Christ means when He says that unless one loses his life for His sake, he will not truly find it and live [see John 18:37; Matt. 20:28; Mark 10:45].
In marriage, this gift of self takes on various forms and expressions, but none are more intimate than the marital embrace. In being a mother, this gift of self takes place primarily through childbearing, and then in the denial of your own will and plans in order to raise and take care of your children and be present to them and their needs. This does not mean everything is child-centered to the point of spoiling the kid rotten. It means that when you become a mom, you need to be ready to die to yourself and give some things up that you were once used to doing often. You need to sacrifice some things and look at things from a larger perspective outside the lens of self and substitute it with the lens of "What's best for the family?" It means you need to prioritize your needs and see what needs to be kicked to the curb (for a time at least) so that you can keep "first things first" and not neglect the things you should be doing with your children be it reading, spending time with them, cooking for them (I'd personally love to skip cooking and meal planning), changing their diapers (don't ever neglect that, it ain't pretty), etc...
It means that you need to be detached from your own habits and preferences. Maybe you'll need to make sure you spend time with your husband (essential to joyful mothering) or take advantage of a moment for family time instead of "me" time. Perhaps it will involve putting down the cell phone around the kids, stop texting so much, shutting off the tv, and so on.
This doesn't mean a mother should neglect those things which help her relax or give her enjoyment and an outlet; but it does mean that those things which we enjoy doing should refresh us so that when we come out of them, we are renewed and ready to give our all again to our family.
It also means that we need to be willing to know the ways in which we may be acting out of selfishness so that we can let go of those things for a greater good: The raising up of a beautiful family. Sometimes the things we think we "need" to do are not really as important and necessary as something else is, yet we are attached to it and cling to it because it's what we want. We must be honest with ourselves. Yet even better, we need to cultivate a willingness to make sacrifices and die to self. This is important in being a joyful mother! Be like Christ who....
"...did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom..." [Matthew 20:28]
So....what are the top two or three things important for you to do almost daily that you would need to set aside time for? (Pssssstt....Prayer should be number one!)
Other important things
Now, I could go on with other important "keys" to joyfully mothering our children, but I just wanted to focus on the latter two primarily because they involve our interior life in Christ. But other things that are also important are...
- to keep the flame burning in your own marriage,
- to hang out from time to time with other mothers who are encouraging and supportive in your vocation,
- to have a hobby you enjoy apart from "mom stuff,"
- to play with your children,
...and so on.
But I wanted to focus primarily on our interior life because that's where our joy will spring from - even amidst exterior difficulties and struggles we go through. The Lord is where I turn to for all my motherhood doubts, concerns, questions, and strength and He has always been faithful in carrying me through - even the smallest and most seemingly insignificant things. Without Him, I can do nothing. Without Him, I couldn't imagine how much more my own selfishness would seep into my vocation (it already is too much!).
Our joy as mothers will always be rooted and intertwined with our life in Christ. The more fully we live out our life in Christ, the more deeply we come to experience that Christian joy which we are all invited to...
...If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. [John 15:11]