I am writing this in the midst of my first trimester of pregnancy with our fifth child and if there is one thing that's been prayerfully coming back to me during this "tougher" time (you know, the infamous first trimester pregnancy sickness), it's to discover more deeply how a Christian finds joy in their suffering.
The Lord is inviting me to suffer well and joyfully. The Lord invites YOU to suffer well, to suffer joyfully.
In the beginning of this I would say to the Lord: "What does this mean Lord? I feel terrible or sick and exhausted beyond belief, almost all hours of the day and find myself stationed on the couch for most of it. I barely feel like I've survived at the end of the day, as I forcefully drag myself through my duties to take care of four other little children. I am impatient and irritable with my children...often...and primarily because I just don't feel good. My normal way of prayer has changed drastically, it's hard to even think, and I am barely cling to our Lady and the daily Rosary by listening to audio Rosaries for now. Help me get through this...."
My attitude was endure.
But as I do always want to be docile and I know by faith that ideally, our suffering should be a joy to us, so my prayer turned into: "Lord, teach me what it means to suffer joyfully. Help me to carry this cross with grace."
Now, I thank the Lord that I have a husband whose done everything he can to ease my burden and give me breaks. My family has also been a huge help and I am so grateful. Yet for myself, throughout this lesson the Lord is trying to teach me, I have much to learn. And again, intellectually, I already know that we should "rejoice in our sufferings" (cf. Colossians 1:24) but sometimes to actually understand this and "get" what it means is a totally different thing. It's easy, in a way, to "offer it up," but to do so joyfully? To do this well? To do so happily with love for our Lord? I don't know, I find this a little harder....and something that can only really happen with God's grace.
Suffer well, fellow Christians!
What if we as Christians, in the midst of trials and pains, not only prayed for each other but reminded and encouraged each other to suffer well?
I don't mean this in a "well-that's-too-bad-suck-it-up" type of way. While one may know that while we can endure pain and suffering and "offer it up," perhaps there is room for improvement to do that, well, dare I say - with joy.
This is easier said than done, I will be honest. And it takes a firm commitment to Christ, faith, prayer, obedience to His Commands, and a deep love for God and neighbor to help us "make sense" and experience this joy - even amidst suffering.
But "suffer well" is something I just need to honestly hear because when I hit the toughest part of the first trimester (which seems to have almost past now), I was doing a horrible job at embracing my cross - the sickness that goes along with being pregnant in the first trimester. I'm grateful and overjoyed at the gift of another child...but the sickness that goes along with it? I'll pass... While I wasn't constantly complaining or whining about it or despising it per se, I was merely enduring it while offering it to the Lord. That's "eh" on the "scale of sanctity."
Yet what I'm called to do as a Christian is do my best to embrace it and even find joy in it.
This is SO hard to do in the midst of our trials! I've often caught myself pausing in the midst of some "daily cross" and thinking, "Wow, I should thank the Lord for this and see how God's is offering me so many graces through this but I definitely don't feel like that right now...and yet, like the saints, to find joy in this???"
Yet St. Paul's attitude in the midst of his sufferings was completely different...
Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the Church. [Colossians 1:24]
Saint Paul, through the eyes of a very strong faith (which I see that in myself I need to ask for more of!), sees that his suffering is a means of grace for others. See, this is where the saints just blow my mind! What an incredibly strong faith they have! The saints see and know the supernatural value and merit of their suffering. They see that they are participating in Christ's Cross with Him and being conformed to Him; they see that because of the grace and life Christ won for us on the Cross, that their suffering being "offered up" as part of that is drawing down grace and supernatural life for their soul and the souls of others!
I'm very far from this point. And I've realized lately how I also do not do a great job at embracing my daily crosses too - spilt milk on the floor, whiny child, doctor's appointments, not getting the rest I always need because certain interruptions from little people, and so on.
And then....to rejoice in these moments? Well, truthfully, yes. That's what we're called to do as Christians. Why? Because through the eyes of faith, we see the supernatural graces being offered to us through the suffering that comes our way. We see these trials as permitted from the loving Hand of our Father for the sanctification of our soul and the opportunity to participate in Christ's redemptive work of saving souls through this union of our suffering with His on the Cross.
Suffering and joy go together (if we have faith and love for Christ!)
If you read any of the lives of the saints, you'll see two common themes: Great suffering and yet great joy.
It is no surprise that to understand and reach this point, one has to have a very strong faith and love for Christ. We ALL need to strive for this daily - this is our duty as Christians. The saints, even in suffering, recognized God's higher purpose, even if they didn't feel it. But that's what faith is - it's not reliant upon feelings. And that's what love is - it's not dependent on feelings.
So again, I feel challenged and very lacking in my faith and love for Christ amidst suffering, amidst the monotony of my motherly tasks and amidst even the chaos of raising several children. Really, Christ's joy is meant to be within us always....
"These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full." [John 15:11]
Jesus never said it was dependent upon our idea of ideal and perfect circumstances. Our Christian joy is certainly NOT the same thing as the pleasure we experience from something that makes us happy - happiness depends on what happens. True joy is from God and it is interior. It doesn't depend on the circumstances outside of us - the good and bad things that happen in our day, the nice things we receive, the entertaining things we do or the fun places we go. If you notice, the happiness you experienced from those things has passed. Time moves on. That happiness was only temporary and in that moment. But joy never leaves us, despite how we feel emotionally and despite the trials we suffer. However the only thing that His joy within us is dependent upon is what Christ tells us in the preceding verse to what we've just read...
"If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love." (John 15:10)
It is keeping God's Commandments and living within His Will and His Love that gives us a true, deep, abiding and everlasting joy. It should come as no surprise to us that the Lord would base the experience of joy in our life on our abiding in His Love, which means keeping His Commandments...
If you love me, you will keep my commandments. [John 14:15]
Christ then reiterates the same thing to us two more times right after that in verses 21 and 23! Gee, He really has a point to get across to us! Our love for God is shown by the way we obey His commands and are faithful to His Will; we are to love God with all our heart, mind and soul - the greatest commandment - and the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself (see Matthew 22:37). When we do these things, we abide in His love and His joy begins to fill us.
But where is the joy amidst suffering, monotony, and chaos?
If we find we are missing that interior joy which abides within us - even in the midst of trials - it could be from three things:
1. Are you obedient to God's commands found in Scripture and Tradition (the teachings of the Catholic Church)? To all of these Commands? Or are there some you reject and "do not like"?
2. If you are following all of God's commands, yet cannot find joy, perhaps faith is lacking. Perhaps we don't understand how to find joy in suffering because we need to deepen our faith in Christ and the wisdom of His ways in which...
"...all things work together unto good for those who love God." [Romans 8:28]
We need more faith in His Word.
3. If you are following God's commands, yet cannot find joy, perhaps love for Christ is lacking. If we are grumbling at our crosses, or merely enduring them (like me), and we are not truly embracing them with love, perhaps we need a greater love for Christ.
...joy comes from being united to Jesus, in resembling and participating in His sufferings, which He valued so greatly. It also comes from consoling the heart of Jesus...suffering in His place (in a sense) so that He may have a moment's rest. It's loving Him so deeply, you are overjoyed to please him, to give Him some consolation. It's the perspective/lense of LOVE that fills the suffering with joy. As we both know, St. Teresa tells us the evil one cannot combine true joy and suffering....only God can. No, there may not be the "feeling" (sensory) joy, but there is an interior joy. [Carmelite Conversations]
It is love for Christ fills our suffering with joy. No wonder we see two trademarks in the lives of the saints: Much suffering, yet an even greater joy. This all stems from their deep and abiding love for God.
Romans 8:18
Resolutions...
Wellllll, I've got some work to do...Well, more like praying and trying to spend more time at rest in God's Love at prayer. More time with Him who is Love. More of an effort - with God's grace - to be aware of those crosses and sufferings and thank Him for them and see how through them, I am being conformed to Christ and participating in His redemptive work of drawing souls to Himself.
So that's where I'm going to begin: As I finish the homestretch of my pregnancy sickness, I'm going to thank the Lord for this and tell Him how good He is because He's allowing me to suffer this. I'm going to ask the Holy Spirit to also help me be aware of my little daily sufferings and inconveniences (messes from the kids), the monotony of my mundane tasks (changing of diapers, doing schoolwork with the kids, dishes), and moments of chaos (those moments where all your kids need something at the exact same time) so that I can make a movement of thanksgiving to God for them. I'm going to meditate in prayer on the supernature value of our suffering and how it has the capacity to draw so many souls to Christ and make reparation for the sins of our time. I'm going to give permission to our Lady to do whatever She wills with these sufferings - as She only does what is in conformity with the Will of her Divine Son. And I'm going to ask God for more faith in His ways and a deeper love for Him. Because clearly that is what I am lacking!
So, fellow Christian, if you are going through a trial or if you are suffering through something right now, suffer well!
"Now I rejoice in my sufferings..."
~ Colossians 1:24