I was very convicted when reading a meditation some months ago and it has since had a profound impact on my daily duties and receptivity to God's Will being presented to me in each moment. I will share the reflection here. It begins with a question I've often asked myself time and time again: "Why am I not moving closer to you Lord? Why I am not bearing the fruits of conversion I desire and why do I struggle with the same old sins, over and over again?"
Perhaps you have felt this same way. Here is the reflection which I found very inspiring:
“Why? Why have all my efforts in prayer, daily Mass, regular confession, spiritual reading, and incessant begging not born the fruit of conversion I so desire? I still struggle with the same sins, the same weaknesses!”
Because you have not embraced Me in the distressing disguises of My Holy Will. You have embraced Me in My Word, in My Eucharistic Presence, and in My Mercy, but not in the disguise of trials, troubles, contradictions, and crosses. You do not bear the fruit of My Spirit, because you do not remain in my commandments. Is this not what my Word says?
Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. (John 15:4)
How do you remain in Me?
If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love… Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. (15:10, 5)
My commandments are My Holy Will for you hidden each day in the present moment. But when My Will is not agreeable to your flesh, you refuse to remain in it. Instead, you begin to look for Me in the more agreeable forms of My presence, rather than remain in My love, in My commandments. You adore Me in one form, but you despise Me in the other.
When I walked the earth, many followed Me when I presented Myself in the form which was agreeable to them: as healer, teacher, miracle-maker, and triumphant leader. But when they saw their Messiah in the disguise of poverty, meekness, and gentleness, they walked away, looking instead for a powerful political leader. When they saw their Messiah presented to them as a sign of contradiction to their lifestyles, a sign of light and truth and conviction, they would not remain, and looked for one who would applaud their decadence. When they saw their Messiah in the distressing disguise of a sacrificial lamb, bloodied, bruised, scourged, and pierced through as the embodiment of a trial and a Cross, they not only refused to remain with Me, but many became angry, mocked and spit upon Me. They wanted the Man of Wonders, not the Man of Sorrows.
So too, you love Me when My will is agreeable to you, but when My Will appears in the disguise of the Cross, you abandon me. Listen carefully again to My Word if you wish to unlock the fruit of holiness in your life:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness… Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life (James 1:2,-3, 12)
Just as the Lily of Life sprung from the Tomb, so too, the fruit of My Spirit, the crown of life, will spring from the soul who embraces My Holy Will in all its disguises, most especially the Cross. The key for you, my child, is FAITH: embrace all in faith.
This so struck me and left a profound impression upon me because I thought, "Yes! This is me. Oh how I love to go to adoration, how I love to pray and go to Confession and do spiritual reading and those other "agreeable forms of Your presence," yet, when I encounter You in a way that's not agreeable to my flesh - the squabbles of my children, the constant care and tending of my daily motherly duties - I despise You and refuse to remain in Your Will at that moment." It is a resistance of God's Will and therefore a resistance of God's grace - and how many of these I have throughout the day! Squandering God's grace!
After praying about this and pondering it much, it lead me to make a particular resolution against my ingratitude and despising of God's Will in these "less agreeable forms to my flesh" and it was this: In the midst of these moments that frustrate me, get me angered, make me feel despair, make me annoyed or impatient, I am going to make an act of thanksgiving, praise and love to the Lord - despite these contrary negative emotions I experience in that moment.
The Supremacy of the Act of the Will in the Spiritual Life
If there is one important principle of the spiritual life, it's that our progress and union with God can never be measured by the emotions we feel and the consolations we experience. Feelings are not an indication of our relationship with God for two reasons:
1. The emotions are found in the sensitive appetite of the soul, which is a lower faculty of the soul. The reason this is so is because our emotions are changing like the wind and are very easily influenced by external and internal forces. This does not mean they are bad in themselves, however...
Without the previous stimulation of the emotions, we would take scarcely one step in our physical life, since the stimulation of the emotions is what enables us to expend an extraordinary amount of effort for good or for evil. [Spiritual Theology by Fr. Jordan Aumann]
So therefore, we should understand that...
..we are not here advocating the extinction or repression of the emotions, but their control and proper use, for without great passion for God and the good, sanctity is impossible. [Spiritual Theology by Fr. Jordan Aumann]
2. Our strong emotions - when not tempered and controlled by reason and the intellect and when not conformed to God's Will - can lead us astray from the truth of God and lead us to make compromises to our Catholic faith. Thus it is a grave spiritual danger to rely upon emotions and modern cultural trends (which are heavily influenced by a dependence upon swaying the emotions) while not forming our minds and hearts to the Mind and Heart of God through Sacred Scripture and the Tradition of the Church.
What matters, then, and what opens the door to continual progression toward union with God, is that we conform our Will to God's.
Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. [Matthew 7:21]
Sadly, there are many today who profess "Lord, Lord" and yet refuse to conform their will to His, and pick and choose only what they want to believe. Thus, the varied Christian stances on many moral issues.
Because the conditional requirement to enter heaven depends upon conforming our will to God's Will and then doing it, it is thus important to understand that conforming our will to God's depends not upon our feelings and emotions, but making acts of the will so that our entire will eventually becomes conformed and in alignment with Christ's.
So, in the midst of anger or offense at someone, one may feel the desire to insult or speak obscenities. But an act of the will subordinated to God's law and His Will, would lead one to choose (make an act of the will) to either walk away or, even more virtuously heroic, speak a kind or peaceful word back, rather than react by what they feel in that moment.
Making acts of the will in the spiritual life is the precise instrument (along with the divine help of grace) which leads us to conform our will to God's. The act of the will is SO important in growing in the spiritual life!
The Spiritual Explanation and Application
The act of the will, which chooses to praise, thank and adore God in the midst of moments which we find repugnant on the emotional level and the level of the flesh leads us to two things:
1. To conform our will more fully to God's
2. To rise above the temptation and unruly passions we are experiencing and avoid committing sin
These things lead to union with our Lord and a growth in the perfection of Christian virtue!
So, rather than despising these "forms of the Lord" and His Holy Will presented to me in those moments when the kids are fighting and I want to just yell rather than discipline in more effective ways, or when I'm feeling overwhelmed and want to freak out because I can't handle four things at the same time, or when I have to clean up pee around the toilet for the fifth time that day and I want to grumble and complain, it's more spiritually beneficial if I choose to make an act of the will in the midst of those moments to praise, thank or adore the Lord.
THIS. IS. NOT. EASY.
Now, I have been pondering this spiritual practice and wanting to write a post on it for quite some time and have praying for some light from the saints because even though I can make sense of it (and have read of similar things from the saints in the past), I always like a confirmation from the "masters of the spiritual life" and a reading of their direct words (because I just couldn't find them at the time). Recently, I came across exactly what I was looking for in book I'm reading that confirmed just this and puts it into the right words. Thank You Lord! So I will share.
St. John of the Cross says in regards to making these anagogical acts (acts that lift us above to
heaven, such as trust, praise, thanksgiving, love to God), and I will add my comments in brackets to help you understand this more clearly so it does not seem too abstract...
As soon as the first movement or the first attack of a vice makes itself felt [ok, think in practical life, when you start to feel frustrated or impatient at some thing]...one need not oppose it by an act of the contrary virtue [so, in this case, merely trying to patiently deal with it], according to the first method, but should have recourse immediately to an act or movement of anagogical love which is opposed to the attack [the attack being the temptation to freak out, out of impatience and the movement of love being: "Lord, I love You and I thank You for this"]. By thus uniting our affection to God, it happens that the soul - by elevating itself - quits the things of the earth, presents itself before God, and is united to Him. By this fact, the vice, the temptation of the enemy are frustrated, the temptation fails, the idea of doing evil lacks an object. The soul, stronger there-above where it is loving [making these acts of love and thanks to God], than in the body that it animates, divinely withdraws the flesh from temptation, so that the adversary no longer knows how to attack it or to harm it; it is no longer there where it counts on striking it and ruining it. A marvelous thing! The soul seems then to be a stranger to the vicious movement; near its Beloved and united to Him, it is entirely free from that movement on which the devil founded its hopes. [I want to See God: A Practical Synthesis of Carmelite Spirituality, P. Marie-Eugene, O.C.D.]
St. John's advice does not mean that we need not to continue to make acts of the virtues opposite of the vice being presented, nor that we should take safeguards against the occasions of sin. But it adds on to these great spiritual practices which help us conform our will to God's will and grow in virtue and, in fact, he considers it the greatest.
BUT, it's important to realize that the practice of making these anagogical acts is a habit that must be formed. It does not come very naturally for one to - in the midst of anger or impatience or fear - stop and choose to thank and adore God. And St. John of the Cross acknowledges that, especially for those who just begin this spiritual practice...
Ordinarily, these anagogical acts can succeed in withdrawing the soul and lifting it to supernatural regions only after some exercise in their use. And so that if it happens to beginners that [quoting St. John of the Cross again]...
"...in spite of the anagogical act and movement, they notice that the vicious force of the temptation is not completely averted, let them be sure, in order to resist it, to have recourse to all the arms and considerations in their power...Saint John of the Cross emphasized 'the excellence and efficacy of this method' which 'unites all that strategy offers that is necessary and essential to triumph.'" [I want to See God: A Practical Synthesis of Carmelite Spirituality, P. Marie-Eugene, O.C.D.]
Piere Marie-Eugene also goes on to explain (again, with my emphasis in brackets)...
This strategy, which secures at the same time the psychological advantage of diversion and the supernatural help resulting from prompt recourse to God, is easily put to practice once the soul has formed the habit [my emphasis added]. Flight from the enemy will become spontaneous when the soul learns from experience its beneficial results. St. John of the Cross writes of the purified soul:
When it feels the disturbing presence of the enemy [those temptations and agitations we face], then without knowing how it comes to pass, and without an efforts of its own, it enters farther into its own interior depths [where God dwells and the "Kingdom of Heaven is within"], feels that it is indeed being set in a sure refuge, where it perceives itself to be most completely withdraw and hidden from the enemy. And thus its peace and joy, which the devil is attempting to take from it, are increased.
A specialist in this method, Saint John of the Cross has recourse to it not only against the attacks of the devil, but also against unruly movements of the sense faculties. [I want to See God: A Practical Synthesis of Carmelite Spirituality, P. Marie-Eugene, O.C.D.]
And there is the spiritual explanation of this most excellent practice! And the forming of this habit is something that can take even months. So perseverance is a necessity.
This spiritual practice I have just described will help one to embrace God's Will as presented in daily life - even in its most displeasing forms that move us to fear, anger, sadness, agitation, impatience, repugnance, despair, and the like. It makes us more faithful to the smaller graces God sends our way to help assist us in these moments and thereby draws down upon us even greater graces, because we've been faithful to Him in these little matters. This is another spiritual principle. This spiritual practice will also help us conform our wills more and more to God and transform us "glory by glory" into the image of His Son, for God's glory!
His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’
- Matthew 25:23