There has been a lot swirling around in my head these past few weeks - adjustments with homeschooling, how to adapt a better change to our daily routine, and a couple new family traditions added in that are all taking place. ...blogging has taken a backslide but then again, this is only a hobby of mine anyway. Regardless, I have quite a list of things to write about...but the time? Limited! I'll get around to it when/if God wills it.
Like most mothers who truly care about the way they're raising their children, we can't help but get filled with doubts about the job we're doing. There are times - when I'm a bit distressed - where I think, "I really hope I'm not psychologically damaging my children!" because when we look at ourselves, we can't help but notice very quickly all of our faults and inadequacies. In a few words - all the things we can't do and can't do right.
Tempers flare. Impatience or utilitarian attitudes toward schoolwork prevail. (Another post on this! How hard it is to shake the modern-day utilitarian attitude about education where school is about doing, getting done, testing and checking off the list of benchmarks. I have to consciously work against this everyday to reorient it toward something much more!). Questions arise in my head:
"Am I doing enough for this child?" ...
"How can I better discipline that child with this particular bad behavior?"...
"How can I begin to teach my child a deeper way of prayer and conversation with God through Scripture - at his level?"...
"I feel like I'm making commands at the kids a lot of the day...do I really do that? I mean, they're little kids so they constantly need directed. But am I sounding annoying? Is it too much? I don't want most of the words out of my mouth to be correcting and directing words."...
"How am I going to do this on a daily basis with 3 other little children in the house? Let's be honest, I can't ask them to 'play nicely' for 15 minutes. And I'm too exhausted at night; during the little kids' nap times, I hit my own afternoon slump where get I really tired and need a little break, so it's not happening there...yet I want to teach them this? How Lord?"...
"I should probably change their chores soon but what should they be? Would it be too much to add something in? ....I don't want to be demanding too much of them, they're still children too. Yet I need to balance age-appropriate responsibility with not encroaching upon their childhood."...
"How can I homeschool both Joseph and John-Paul to meet their needs and abilities right now? And have something out for Teresa because she wants to do things too. Perhaps I need to just stagger the boys' learning times for math, reading and handwriting right now..."
And it goes on and on and on...
I really need a day to sort everything out in my head instead of having them on all these random sticky notes. Some of these things the Lord has shown me a way for and others I have not been able to get around to thinking much about but I feel like I should soon. (Perhaps I'll need to make a mom retreat day and do a holy hour then find a quiet place to...think. Think clearly!)
Anyway, do you sense the doubt? There's been a lot of doubts here lately for some reason. Next to the Lord, my husband is a great outlet to release all of these too because he gives honest, practical and "reality-check, bigger perspective" answers which I need when I tend to get caught up in details.
Reality Check - God's Promises
Whenever times like this come, I need to step back and breathe. When the voice of doubt comes, it's not from God but from the evil one who wants to discourage us in our vocation and make us forget about God's promises...
I can do all these things in Him who strengthens me. [Philippians 4:13]
So let us remember three promises of God that will help put all of our worries in perspective.
1. "Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be given unto you." [Matthew 6:33]
Just before Jesus tells us this, He addresses our solicitousness, anxieties and worries and tells us to simply....stop. (You might want to read my post Lessons in worrying: Stop, too!). If we are putting God first every day of our lives and not just when we're at church, if we're sincerely and humbling striving to do His holy Will at any cost to our own, if we are striving every day to grow in holiness and repenting of our sins (no matter how many times we fall short) and we are teaching this to our children, then we need to trust that the Lord will take care of us and all of our doubts and concerns! That's it. Because, in the end, we are giving our children the most important thing: Faith in Jesus Christ. We are forming them in the richness of Scripture and the depths of our Catholic faith to show them how a disciple of Christ walks. Our Lord gives us a sobering reminder...
What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul? [Mark 8:36]
Really, we can give our child the best opportunities, send them to the best schools, provide them with clothes and toys and vacations and activities...but, as our Lord tells us, this all means nothing if we are not giving them a living faith. (And if we don't teach them, the world will...and you can be sure the world will teach them the path to hell). We can give them the whole world, but if they lose their soul, in the end, all we gave them comes to nothing! Yes, teaching our children about the Lord and our Catholic faith is the FIRST priority as a parent, but more important is living that faith out on a daily basis and constantly striving for holiness ourselves. This "shows" them what we tell them. We trust in God's mercy from there.
2. "And this is the confidence which we have towards him: That, whatsoever we shall ask according to his will, he heareth us." [1 John 5:14]
We need to ask for our needs, having faith that we will receive what we've asked for if it is God's Will. All our prayer requests should always, in the end, be submitted to God's Will. This is humility in prayer. "Lord, I need this; I know you are a loving Father and have confidence You will give it to me if You see it is truly what is good for my soul and my child's soul. In the end, I want only Your Will!" God sees the bigger picture. He sees the past, He sees the present and He sees the future. Only He knows what is best and we have to trust in that. It would be our pride and arrogance before God that would cause us to rebel against God when He "doesn't answer" our prayers the way we want.
3. "Cast all your cares upon Him because He cares for you." [1 Peter 5:7]
We belong to a loving Father through the Divine adoption which took place through Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit. God is a loving Father who does not abandon His children. A good father does not say, "Welp, you're on your own!...You screwed this one up!" No, He continues to...
...draw them with...the bands of love: and I will be to them as one that taketh off the yoke on their jaws: and I put his meat to him that he might eat. [Hosea 11:4]
He continues to beckon us to Himself with "bands of love." He wants to "take the yoke from our jaws" - He wants us to share our sufferings with Him - our worries, doubts, and concerns - precisely because He cares. Our Lord is not a distant God, far off, like the gods of other religions. He is intimate and real and within. He is concerned and wants to listen. So bring all those worries right to Him and know that He loves you and will take care of you.
"The Important List"
With that said, I made a brief list of what is really important in this life, when it really comes down to it. If we prioritize in this manner, doing our best, we can be at peace!
1. Am I praying every day, striving to live according to God's ways with love while repenting daily of the sins I commit and trying to orient my whole life toward Him?
2. Am I trying to live by the Ten Commandments?
3. Do I fulfill my obligations as a Catholic - going to Mass every Sunday and Holy day and fulfilling the other four precepts of the Church? (See CCC #2041-2043)
4. Am I striving as a parent and spouse to fulfill all my obligations and duties toward my family the best I can?
5. Am I daily striving to teach them about our Lord and our Catholic faith?
6. Am I daily trying to model Christian discipleship to my children?
7. Am I putting effort into building a relationship with my children?
8. Do I pray with them each day and do I pray for them each day?
9. Do I do my best to be just and merciful in my discipline with them?
10. Am I doing my best to be involved in their education and give them the best education I can?
Notice that there's not really any "material things" in this list. Notice also the emphasis on daily striving and effort in doing these things; it's not about success in doing them (except the precepts which are obligatory under pain of mortal sin; we need to do these things "bare minimum"). What matters is that you are wholeheartedly trying to do these things with where you are at in your own spiritual journey. If you've answered "yes" to these questions then realize you are putting "first things first," and that you are "seeking first the Kingdom of God." So be at peace and enough with that doubting!! God will take care of the rest as long as you're doing your best. He knows we are weak, He knows all of our faults and inadequacies, but if we just lean on Him and take refuge in Him, He will make up for where we are lacking!
Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be given unto you.
~ Matthew 6:33