Because marriage is a vocation to which many are called and through it sanctified (if we are willing to be!), and because we as baptized Christians are meant to live out marriage as God created it to be, not our own designs, I'd like to shine light on virtues that we as parents - or possible parents - should try to cultivate, by God's grace, in our interior lives as we abide by God's Law in being open to the gift of life in marriage. Being open to the gift of life does not mean we have to always want to be having children (we may very well not be up for that after just giving birth to an infant! Heck I know I'm not feeling that way!), but it is an orientation of the heart that encompasses an attitude of abandonment to God's plan for our family, that in the end, "Thy Will be done"; it means we do nothing to impede the end of the martial act (sexual union) through contraception. Being open to life does not mean that every act of sexual union must bring forth a child, but it does mean with reverence and awe for God's design and His plan for our family, it might. (The marital embrace may very well not result in conception whether one is at an infertile point in their cycle or because of reproductive health issues/hormone problems one might have, and so on).
Countercultural
Assuming we are all trying to be faithful Christians, adhere to God's Word and His Law, be our happiest here on earth, and desire eternal happiness and to one day be with the Lord in Heaven, here are points to I want us to recall and lay this foundation to understand the great reverence and awe and gravity of the sexual union:
1. An attitude of openness to life within marriage is very countercultural. It stands in stark contrast with the "wisdom of the world" which wants to wait and have things perfectly planned out and in a state of "preparedness" before one has a child (which ain't ever gonna happen because no one is ever ideally prepared for their newborn and all that parenthood entails!). It is also countercultural in the fact that only until more recently has the modern mentality adapted the idea of planning out parenthood. The modern mentality assumes full control over this aspect and considers the idea of letting God "plan" our family a folly and foolishness. It is even a place that even many of us Christians would rather not go by faith. It's too unknown and obscure and risky; there are too many uncertainties. This is understandable yet rooted in a limited view of God's omnipotence and Providential care as Father. We'd rather not allow God to move us out of our comfort zones and so we maintain control.
2. A good definition of contraception was given by Fr. John Hardon:
Contraception is "any action deliberately taken before, during, or after intercourse in order to prevent conception.
To impede God's natural design of sex and the sacramental sign of the marital embrace (sex/marital union/conjugal act/marital act, etc...) by artificial birth control (contraception) is mortally sinful, thus endangering the soul who chooses to use it and objectively weakening the bond of marriage between those spouses every time they engage in the marital act with the presence of contraception/sterilization.
3. The presence of contraception also puts a "block" to the action of the Holy Spirit in the marriage and family life, and, rather than the sacramental sign of sexual union being a channel for the outpouring of God's grace for the spouses and their children, it becomes sacrilegious.
Sacrilege consists in profaning or treating unworthily, persons, things, or places consecrated to God. [Catechism of the Catholic Church #2120]
Marriage (most particularly the consummation of it and the continual renewal of it in its fullest expression - the bodily union of the husband and wife) is a holy and sacred thing given us by God which is meant to express and elevate the spouses up into the Divine love of the Blessed Trinity as well as that love present in Christ's union with the Church (which St. Paul explains in Ephesians 5). Sex partakes in this Divine reality and it's also meant to reflect and imitate it. SEX IS GOOD, HOLY, AND SACRED! It is a physical reality which conveys and "speaks" (with the body) a divine reality and truth. Therefore, contraception profanes something (sex) which is fundamentally holy, sacred, and good and is a sacrilege is committed when it's used in the marital act.
So we must remember as Catholics that the reason we defend marriage and sex as God created it is really NOT because we're "old-fashioned" and out-of-date with modernity; it's NOT because we're "prude" or afraid of technology/progress/etc... It's because we defend that which is SO good, SO holy, and SO sacred that it literally confounds a world that has profaned and cheapened it!
I've written a Biblical explanation on my blog called Understanding the Sexual Union, but it's rather simplified and so I would also refer you to the Catechism which explains marriage and the conjugal act in light of Sacred Scripture and Tradition and Catholic Answers also provides information about it from various perspectives to help you begin to understand. Christopher West, a husband and father, also has dedicated himself, next to his vocation of marriage, to explaining the beauty of marriage, sex, and St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body through talks/videos/blogs to help us understand this incredible gift to the Church more deeply.
[If you seriously desire to live by the truth of God and be in heaven one day but have doubts or questions in this area, then I truly encourage you to consider understanding why we as Catholics have always been against contraception. If there is a grave and serious reason to avoid having children at a certain time in marriage, the couple can practice NFP - Natural Family Planning - which works in cooperation with God's design for marriage and sex and honors God's design for the body as well. Again, I'm not looking to get into this here, but just want to lay this foundation before I get into the purpose of my post.]
Seeing with supernatural eyesight
...a.k.a walking by faith.
For we walk by faith...Wherefore henceforth, we know no man according to the flesh. And if we have known Christ according to the flesh; but now we know him so no longer. If then any be in Christ a new creature, the old things are passed away, behold all things are made new. [2 Corinthians 5:7,15-17]
That phrase, "we know no man according to the flesh," deserves further explanation from the Biblical footnote so we understand that properly:
That is, we consider not any man with regard to his nation, family, kindred, or other natural qualities or advantages; but only with relation to Christ, and according to the order of divine charity, in God, and for God. The apostle adds, that even with respect to Christ himself, he now no longer considers him according to the flesh, by taking a satisfaction in his being his countryman; his affection being now purified from all such earthly considerations.
When we are baptized, we are made new creations in Christ. Therefore we should see all things with the eyes of faith, viewing everything in God and in light of God's love; we should see everything and everyone in relation to Christ.
Even as Catholics, with regard to marriage, we can easily forget the supernatural reality which superceeds and goes above and beyond the natural reality. We can't help it - we have a weakened fallen nature, we're flesh and blood, we're human and we're often limited by what only our senses can perceive!
When we think of the marital embrace and being open to life, we immediately think of that physical act of sex and the children it may call a responsibility for (again, if we are honoring God's design by being open to life). This is true and good and there's nothing wrong with this. It's perfectly normal! But too often, our thoughts about this get stuck in the material realm and stop there.
BUT, we also have souls. The soul, says St. Thomas Aquinas, is the form of our bodies. Our soul is what gives our bodies life:
A soul is the difference between a living body and a corpse. The material is all still there, but it isn't....animated. (Anima is Latin for "soul")...Aquinas says the body and the soul are a composite unity. Aristotle had tersely noted fifteen hundred years earlier, "We can dismiss the question of whether the soul and body are one; it is as though we were to ask whether the wax and its shape are one." [The One-Minute Aquinas, by Dr. Kevin Vost]
The soul is what makes us eternal and longing for the transcendent; whether that be to exist after our death eternally in heaven or in hell is up to us by the choices we make. While every person has a soul which is either spiritually dead (in mortal sin or unbaptized still with original sin) or spiritually alive (in a state of grace after baptism and free from mortal sin), in baptism we're born alive of the Spirit in Christ Jesus: "So do you also reckon that you are dead to sin, but alive unto God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:11).
By nature of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony (marriage) as baptized persons, the act of sexual union thus lifts us above and beyond into a divine realm or reality too! And it is precisely because of our baptism into Christ, being made new creations, having our minds "transformed" in Him (Romans 12:2), that we need to consider this divine reality first and the natural reality of sex in submission to this and with reverence for it. Every time spouses enter into sexual union, they speak the vows they pledged at the altar in the fullest way ("I give myself to you freely, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully...") with the language of their bodies. The vows they said at the altar "become flesh," they become renewed in every act of marital intercourse. No need to have a special renewal of vows ceremony at your 20th anniversary - just go make love! ;) How beautiful and elevating is that to the dignity of the spouses and their marriage?? God is so good! The sacramental signs (the physical, outward signs which represent and make present the invisible reality) of marriage are two-fold: They are the verbal consent of the vows at the altar before God and the Church and it is the consummation of those vows "spoken" through the language of the body by sexual union. Remember too that a Sacrament is an...
...efficacious sign of grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church, by which divine life is dispensed to us. The visible rites by which the sacraments are celebrated signify and make present the graces proper to each sacrament. They bear fruit in those who receive them with the required dispositions. [Catechsim of the Catholic Church #1131]
And so, before we get anxious about the material (yet very real) tasks, concerns, and responsibilities of being open to life, let us first keep in mind that marriage is an overflowing channel of grace to the spouses and their children precisely to give them those graces and "helps" needed to live out the vocation of marriage and raising children. Awe-inspiring! Because of this "channel of grace" which the marital act truly is, God will equip us with every grace and spiritual and material need He sees fit and best for the husband, wife and their children's salvation and sanctification. The reason for this is simply because God is an all-good and all-loving and all-powerful Father and He doesn't abandon us. Ever. It is His very nature to do and allow all things to happen to us out of His sheer and pure goodness, love, and almighty power.
Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you, so that in all things, always having all you need, you may have an abundance for every good work. As it is written:
“He scatters abroad, he gives to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever.”
The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You are being enriched in every way for all generosity, which through us produces thanksgiving to God, for the administration of this public service is not only supplying the needs of the holy ones but is also overflowing in many acts of thanksgiving to God. Through the evidence of this service, you are glorifying God for your obedient confession of the gospel of Christ and the generosity of your contribution to them and to all others, while in prayer on your behalf they long for you, because of the surpassing grace of God upon you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! [2 Corinthians 9:8-15]
Let us have living faith in God's Word! Our "good work" as parents is bearing life into the world and raising up children to give back to God in heaven one day. For being generous with God in this way - by being open to life without impeding His design through contraception and sterilization - God will be more generous with you; you are "being enriched in every way." The Lord will make sure you have everything you will need, as He sees necessary for your (and your family's!) sanctification and salvation. You are bringing glory to God by your obedient confession to the Gospel of Christ. The grace of God IS upon you.
Thus ends part one of this blog where I just wanted to lay a foundation. In part two of this blog post, I will focus solely on the virtues and gifts we need to ask for and cultivate - in cooperation with God's grace - as spouses who are open to the gift of life. Then we will turn to the wisdom of the saints to help us understand them more deeply. In preview, here they are:
1. Humility
2. Trustful surrender to Divine Providence
3. Faith
4. Reverential awe (Fear of the Lord)
5. A constant desire for deeper intimacy with God
Looking forward to delving into this more with you! God bless!