We all have them...
Quirks.
We all have them...
Annoying family members.
(He would just rather pretend I'm not there...) ;)
Ok, well in all honesty, I feel blessed because I truly love my family. But they all have their quirks. (I don't though; I'm perfect).
How can we handle this instead of nagging, getting frustrated or yelling?
Well, with a calm and pleasant disposition first. Got that? Ok, great! (Or you might be working on that...).
But what more? What more can you possibly do than grit your teeth, clench your jaw, widen your eyes and muster up a half-fake smile?
We can offer that as a penance for our loved one.
Throughout the day, there are those little irksome things that happen due to some fault of a family member that drives you bonkers. On a more serious note, you may suffer as a result of the sin of another - perhaps a lie, selfishness, a snarky response or tone, etc... Either way you suffer in some way be it emotionally or physically. There is some price we pay for the sin of another or, through no fault or intention of their own, and in a less serious vein, a fault or quirk.
Now we know our Lord Jesus paid the full price for sin on the Cross and in His suffering. But with Christ being the head (Colossians 1:18) and we being members of His Body (Romans 12:5, 1 Cor 12:27), we too can participate in the merits of Christ on the Cross to obtain grace for souls.
So take a look at your family members. What quirks of theirs bother you? Do they leave every appliance on? Do they forget to pick up after themselves? Do they snore obnoxiously loud at night?
Here is something you can do. When you suffer (either by feeling extremely annoyed or exasperated at the quirk of another or in a greater way), you can offer that up to our Lord as a penance.
Penance is, in the Christian tradition, our participation in the innocent suffering of Jesus Christ for the sins of the world. Our tradition tells us that Christ who knew no sin, became sin for our sake so that we might become the righteousness of God. He bore the sins of the world, but he did not commit the sins of the world. He was blameless, and opened not his mouth, says Isaiah. Similarly, in Christ, Paul declares that he fills up in his flesh what is lacking with respect to the suffering of Christ for the sake of His Body, the Church (Colossians 1:24). That doesn’t mean “Jesus didn’t do enough so I have to make up for his well-meaning but inadequate effort on the Cross.” Rather, it means that as Christians, we bear the cross with Jesus and offer our innocent sufferings in union with His for the good of others—including others who are sinners as guilty as hell. [Doing Penance for Others, National Catholic Register]
Penance is meritorious only in the sense, however, that we do it in union with Christ who suffered for us. Again, it is our participation in His suffering for the good of the souls of others. No, we're not getting scourged or whipped like He was. But we surely suffer in many other ways.
Here is a great and brief post explaining a little bit more about redemptive suffering in Scripture. We can also help others attain salvation precisely because we are not merely individual people but a communion of people, too, in the Body of Christ. What we do affects others. It is not just you and Jesus. It's you, Jesus and His entire Body. Sin doesn't just offend God and damage our relationship with Him, it has a radiating (or rather radioactive!) effect on others.
O.K., back to our family members with annoying quirks and faults...
What will continue to benefit your loved ones is offering the penance for a specific intention, typically for that very same person. For example, mothers and fathers of boys, do you have a son who is constantly leaving his things around and forgetful of cleaning up after himself? Do you constantly have to remind him to pick up his things? Instead of being a nag or allowing yourself to become frustrated, simply and pleasantly smile at him, give him the reminder and move along.....all the while offering your little annoyance at his little quirky fault as a penance for obtaining the grace for his purity. This would be especially important and vital in a sex-saturated world that lurks to assault innocence and purity every chance it gets from music to suggestive billboards to the immodest style of dress on women to pornography. But now, reminding him shouldn't be the drudgery it once was because it takes on a supernatural motive and power - to help him fight the battle for purity!
You may be able to think of a specific sin you know one of your family members struggles with. Or perhaps they are going through a very difficult time right now and are in need of extra grace. There are many things if we are paying attention and loving.
So there you have it.
Quirks...
We all have them.
Annoying family members...
We all have them.
But don't you forget that as long as you're a family, you're here to help one another along the path to heaven. So don't let your sufferings go to waste! And offer them as penances for your loved one! In doing so, you will be transformed more like unto Christ...which is the point of our life - to become more like Him!
***Just as a side note:
I had said: "When you suffer (either by feeling extremely annoyed or exasperated at the quirk of another or in a greater way), you can offer that up to our Lord as a penance." This does not mean, however, that we ought not to communicate and work out differences with our family member. We very well should. But this is a reminder that offering our sufferings and annoyances can take on a supernatural value and can become an instrument of grace!
"Don't let your suffering go to waste!"
~ Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta