For those seeking God earnestly, St. Teresa of Avila considered it "a great evil" to be friendless amidst the dangers this world poses.
Take a look at your friendships. What is the primary common interest and goal you share together? Which of your friendships lead you to God (and help you grow closer to Him) and which lead you to sin or worldliness?
St. Teresa of Avila, known for her charming and witty personality, detached and yet deeply affectionate, has some serious words about friendship, especially for those who are committed to Christ and seeking deeper union with God:
For this reason I would counsel those who practice prayer to seek...friendship and association with other persons having this same interest [of pursuing God]...Since friends are sought out for conversations and human attachments, even though these latter may not be good, so as to relax and better enjoy telling about vain pleasures, I don't know why it is not permitted that a person beginning truly to love and to serve God talk with some others about his joys and trials, which all who practice prayer undergo...I believe that he who discusses these joys and trials for the sake of this friendship with God will benefit himself and those who hear him, and he will come away instructed; even without understanding how he will ahve instructed his friends. Since this spiritual friendship is so extremely important for souls not yet fortified in virtue - since they have so many opponents and friends to incite them to evil - I don't know how to urge it enough...It is necessary for those who serve Him to become shields for one another that they might advance....It is a kind of humility not to trust in oneself but to believe that through those with whom one converses God will help and increase charity while it is being shared. And there are a thousand graces I would dare not speak of if I did not have powerful experience of the benefit that comes from this sharing. [Life of St. Teresa of Avila, chap. 7, nos. 20-22, pp. 64-65]
She saw a spiritual friend as a way of "having God" and of possessing Him still more deeply. Perhaps these friends are rare, but when one is found, she believes one should make every effort to further the relationship:
When you make the acquaintance of any such persons, sisters, the Mother Prioress should employ every possible effort to keep you in touch with them...to get to know God's friends is a very good way of "having" Him; as I have discovered by experience, it is most helpful. [Way of Perfection, chap. 7, p.76]
In this world which "poses many dangers," and as we seek to walk with the Lord, we need genuine, holy friendships to inspire us on and shield us. So here are six traits of holy and genuine friendships that Father Thomas Dubay gives us in his book Fire Within, drawing from the writings of St. Teresa of Avila.
6 traits of holy friendships
1. The attraction is not based primarily upon bodily beauty or merely natural qualities.
We may praise God for admirable physical attributes but we may not dwell on them more than momentarily - it is just a shadow. The love between friends is rooted in deeper, permanent qualities (that last into eternity). [Fire Within, p. 285]
Sometimes we may be attracted to a person who is intelligent, witty, funny, reasonable, or beautiful and so on. You may like being around this friend because of these various characteristics and have bond with them because of it. Yet these are all natural qualities that fade and disappear the moment we die. They do not "pass over" into eternity, so to speak. So while these may be good qualities to find in a friend, it's not the spiritual friendship St. Teresa of Avila speaks about.
2. The friends find that they cannot really be interested in anything unless it has to do with God.
Any affection that does not benefit the soul wearies them. If this trait seems too demanding and unreasonable, we must recall that saints are men and women completely in love with God...For a personal profoundly in love, anything unrelated to the beloved is a burden. Only the spiritually mediocre need further explanation in understanding this. [Fire Within, p. 285, 272]
Their conversation is about God and His work in their life; it's about good and holy things. Anything else wearies them and becomes easily boring.
Worldly friendships may often be based on the common bond of a shared enthusiasm for sport, a shared work experience, having classes together, a shared state in life (such as married life or motherhood), etc... Yet when these characteristics and bonds and interests change, so will the friendship. It may even dissipate completely.
3. The closeness found among authentic friends is selfless.
Each friend is concerned about the well-being of the other, primarily their spiritual and eternal well-being.
This, as I have said, is love without any degree whatsoever of self-interest; all that this soul wishes and desires is to see the soul it loves enriched with blessings from Heaven. This is love, quite unlike our ill-starred earthly affections - to say nothing of illicit affections, from which may God keep us free. [Way, chap. 7, p.73]
Above all, and foremost, the friends long to see the other immersed in God and grow in holiness.
4. Genuine friends welcome being admonished if they stray or commit faults.
True friends correct each other when it is necessary. They realize that Gospel admonition is an act of love, nothing less. [Fire Within, p. 284]
5. Their closeness is permanent because it is not based on physical characteristics that change with illness and age (or interest).
St. Teresa said we should "dig" to find the eternally lovable beauty in the other. [Way, ch. 6, p. 71]
The characteristics of a holy friendships are rooted in things which transcend space and time and can go on into eternity. In this case, we are talking about a love for Christ, a longing for heaven, or the practice of virtue found in each friend. The friends admire one another because they see these qualities in each other and as a shared bond in friendship, making it holy and "eternal." The qualities are "eternally lovable beauties," as St. Teresa of Avila calls them.
6. Authentic friendship can only be known by experience.
The friends put God first in all of their relationships, realizing that Divine love intensifies human love. As C.S. Lewis is quoted:
When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving toward the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increase. [Fire Within, p.286]
When we encounter these friendships, we will know. It is a truly a blessing to have one!
So what do you think? Are those in your "close circle" people who are seeking God and with whom you share these characteristics of a holy friendship? If you have a genuine desire to pursue God and are serious about prayer and leaving the ways of sin, you should took a good look at your friends and the company with which you surround yourself. St. Teresa of Avila shared that had not the Lord corrected her in this manner, she'd surely would have thrown herself into hell [Life of St. Teresa of Avila, chap. 7, nos. 20-22; Testimony 12, no. 4, p. 326]. It is wise to distance yourself from "poisonous" friendships and to pray for the Lord to bring you to those who are truly desiring God and can help you along.
Are you blessed to have at least one person in your life with whom you have this bond, a holy friendship?
Do you know someone with whom you could speak for hours on end with about God and the things of God? St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare shared this holy friendship. St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross shared this holy friendship. St. Teresa of Calcutta and St. John Paul II shared this holy friendship.
Truth be told, you do not even have to see or hang out with this person often for it to be qualified as a holy friendship. What makes it holy and a genuine friendship is its rootedness and immersion in Christ, not the frequency with which you see them or the constancy with which you text them.
As St. Teresa of Avila said, for those earnestly seeking God, it is a "great evil" to be friendless amidst the dangers this world poses. And there are many!