So lately around the Fahy home we've had to focus in on correcting certain behaviors that we've seen trending in the kids. It's exhausting, to say the least. In my head, I sometimes think how I'd love to just throw my hands up in the air and say, "Whatever!" and leave behind the arduous work of discipline. But then I think how that'd be rather stupid of me because then it would lead to more discipline problems in the kids, thereby causing me even MORE work.
One of the things I've had to hone in on are attitudes. Yes...bad attitudes. Love them! The moaning and groaning when chore time comes or when they need to do schoolwork, and basically every duty a child learning responsibility should have.
Since the goal of discipline in a way is self-control, I've developed more of a habit of trying to help bring my child's attention to their bad attitude/whiny/complaining behavior first, right when it begins to happen (before they carry on and the emotional wave takes over). The goal I'm hoping for (and have seen with one of my other children in the spring in dealing with another particular behavior) is to get them to eventually recognize and "catch" the behavior in themselves, by their own self-awareness, and then make the decision there to change it with virtue. Rather than me imposing corrections (which do need to happen), I want to also help make them aware of what needs corrected in that moment and direct them to their ability to change it for the better...and make them aware that ultimately that choice is theirs. Good news: The child I'm working on this with is starting to get it. And he's proud of himself too, when he does. (Virtue is its own reward!) "Mom, I stopped and thought to myself, 'Ok, I'm going to choose to have a good attitude.'"
It typically goes like this, when I start getting the whining with schoolwork or some other responsibility:
"Wait. (Name of child), you're starting to let yourself get all whiny about your duties. You have a choice right now to either embrace what you ought to do and be happier the rest of the day and more at peace. Or you can let your emotions control you and whine and complain and be miserable the rest of the day. Choose a good and cheerful attitude about this and you'll be happier."
I'm grateful to God to see how he's actually grown to be better at this. And like I said, I also used to have a very heavy complainer last winter/spring with another child, and we've seen the difference in his cheerful obedience and willingness to choose a better attitude himself. (Don't get me wrong....he still has his moments for sure! But the overall bad habit of it has decrease, praise God).
And then I thought just recently, "Wow, I need someone to do this with me!" (Maybe my poor husband?)
I really do though. Talk about someone needing an attitude adjustment around here....
It's pathetic. I was telling a friend just recently that in my vocation, it's the little things that happen OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again that wear me down until I break. Stupid, little things. Like the shriek of a 4 year old girl. Or the spilled milk at the breakfast table after I JUST wiped milk up. A random diaper laying on the floor even though I asked my son to throw it out seventeen times already. Or just the overall mental stress of having 5 little and dependent people needing me at the EXACT SAME MOMENT and then just freaking out over the straw that broke the camel's back because it was all adding up.
The other day I (almost) had one of these moments and then my stunningly blunt four-year-old daughter stopped me. She said it so matter-of-factly with her little expressive hand gestures: "Mom, it's just that I need to go to the bathroom that's all. You don't have to get upset." (Right moms....don't we get upset at DUMB things sometimes when we've been carrying a mental load? We stop thinking straight!)
Yes. I need to catch ME in my own poor habits and behaviors. I need help embracing the Will of God unfolding there in that moment....even if it's spilled milk.
"Ok, Jess, you have a choice here. You can either embrace your tedious and repetitive duties and 'inconveniences' and try to joyfully offer that to God and embrace it as His Will unfolding in that moment. Or you can grunt (I'm good at grunting) and say 'Ugh! Come. On!' and resist, resist, resist the Will of God."
I need this. I'm terrible at it! Maybe I'll challenge my kids to do this with me all those times I get frustrated over the dumbest things. I think I'll give that a whirl. Our children are meant to sanctify us too, remember!
I'm too good of a complainer. Not so much by words, but more by grunts and gasps of exasperation. It's those little things that happen - part of God's positive or permissive will, but regardless...all within His Will - it's those little, redundant, annoying things I'm terrible at dealing with gracefully.
If it counts for anything I do thank God after the fact (when I'm in a more stable frame of mind). Because I do know the Lord is trying to sanctify me. I know He allows it for my growth in holiness because He loves me and wants me to grow closer to Him.
Ugh, just why do I resist the Will of God??
Ugh!!!
*Grunt*
*Snort*
(See...here we go again...)
Do you find the same struggle in your own daily life with things? Do you find that you resist the Will of God unfolding to you in even your mundane and tedious moments? Let us beg God for the grace to embrace His will in all of its shapes and forms, big and little and strive to joyfully offer our inconveniences and little "splinters of the cross" back to Him!
Psssst! Speaking of this, you may want to read a past blog post I wrote: You and Heroic Virtue (parents read!)!
+
To Jesus through Mary