You're full of pride. I'm full of pride. Let's be on the same page with that premise before I begin... ;)
I recently gave a couple talks on the stages of the spiritual life. As I was going back and reviewing certain points in preparation for them, what kept surfacing was how incredibly subtle pride and self-love creeps in, and how vital it is to constantly be purified of all of our hidden pride whether it be through active or passive purifications.
Years ago my spiritual director recommended I pray the Litany of Humility every day. And it's true - humility is that virtue, as the saints say, that must the foundation for all others. Here is the litany:
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me. From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved...deliver me Jesus. From the desire of being extolled ...deliver me Jesus. From the desire of being honored ...deliver me Jesus. From the desire of being praised ...deliver me Jesus. From the desire of being preferred to others...deliver me Jesus. From the desire of being consulted ...deliver me Jesus. From the desire of being approved ...deliver me Jesus. From the fear of being humiliated ...deliver me Jesus. From the fear of being despised...deliver me Jesus. From the fear of suffering rebukes ...deliver me Jesus. From the fear of being calumniated ...deliver me Jesus. From the fear of being forgotten ...deliver me Jesus. From the fear of being ridiculed ...deliver me Jesus. From the fear of being wronged ...deliver me Jesus. From the fear of being suspected ...deliver me Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I...Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I ...Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease ...Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be chosen and I set aside ...Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be preferred to me in everything...Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Amen.
See, what this prayer is basically asking is that we be delivered of all of these fears and fallen desires based on vanity, pride and inordinate self-love so that only God's thoughts and approval matter to us. What this litany does not mean is a notion of false humility, as the saints warn us about. False humility would mean, for example, that we purposefully fail our tests in a pretense of "humility" to be the stupidest and "last" rather than first. Or trying to purposely deny or downplay that you're a good artist or musician when God has clearly given you that gift and talent. That's called false humility. God gave you the gift of your intelligence or being artistic or musical, so use it and use it for His glory, giving your best. Or, if one wants to be delivered of the fear of despised (as the litany asks), it doesn't mean that we intentionally seek out opportunities to be despised to overcome that fear by purposely trying to ruffle other people's feathers or insult them...just so they hate us and we learn to shrug our shoulders and move on. That would be, again, stupid and also sinful. In fact, it is hidden pride if we take a subtle pleasure in being argumentative with others! (Self love and pride can take on so many hidden and subtle forms!)
Humility is a virtue that's meant to be incredibly liberating and freeing because "humility is truth," as St. Teresa of Avila said in her autobiography.
"You will know the truth and the truth will set you free." [John 8:32]
All that matters is how we are before God. We're not meant to be slaves to human opinions, human respect and human approval. We're not meant to be slaves to ourselves and our fallen desires. It's all nothing compared to Who really matters.
Now, easier said than done!
But that's why this litany is so potent and powerful. And (I think as well as others I've spoken to) should be prayed every day by any Christian who genuinely desires holiness and heaven.
In his book of meditations for the liturgical year, Divine Intimacy, Father Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene firmly says:
Many souls would like to be humble, but few desire humiliation; many ask God to make them humble and fervently pray for this, but very few want to be humiliated. Yet it is impossible to gain humility without humiliations; for just as studying is the way to acquire knowledge, so it is by the way of humiliation that we attain to humility.
As long as we only desire this virtue of humility, but are not willing to accept the means thereto, not even are we on the true road to acquiring it. [Divine Intimacy, meditation #110]
In St. Francis de Sales' book Introduction to the Devout Life, which we've been reading through in our mother's prayer group, he notes how it is so easy to say, "Oh Lord, I am but dust and deserving of nothing" because we see our sins.
"For my soul is bowed down to the dust; my body clings to the ground." [Psalm 44:25]
...But then when we actually get treated like that, we immediately get offended and feel indignant, thereby indicating our lack of humility. He says it's better to take humiliations from others than pre-ordain it or pronounce our unworthiness ourselves because there is more merit and true virtue involved. [Introduction to the Devout Life, Part II, Ch. 5, Interior Humility].
Now back to the Litany of Humility: As much as I love this prayer, throughout my years of praying it, I've definitely seen more of that hidden pride revealed to me that's lead me to add on to this litany! Yes - add on! Because self-love and pride can take so many different forms!
For example, in my first year of marriage and being moved into our new home together, we would have our families come over. I remember how difficult it was for me at first to transition into a "serving position" as a host. I remember feeling so annoyed that everyone was out there laughing and having conversation and here I was "slaving away" missing out on much of it. It was a real struggle for me, as silly as it sounds. (I now laugh at how self-centered that thinking was!) I do remember recognizing this in myself and seeing how I felt about this situation and began tacking it on to my litany of humility...
From the desire of being served...deliver me Jesus.
That was only the first thing I added in... (Marriage and children have this funny way of bringing your self-love to light. But I mean that in a most grateful way!) Since then, I've added in more, depending on my area of pride and self-love that I was struggling through...
From the fear of being unappreciated...deliver me Jesus.
From the fear of being ignored...deliver me Jesus.
From the desire of being considered beautiful....deliver me Jesus. (against vanity)
From the desire of seeking consolations...deliver me Jesus.
And really, it goes on and on. (There really are more invocations than this that I've added in, but just thought I'd share a few rather than bore you with all of them...I think these illustrate the point). And I still keep praying these same "tacked-on" invocations in my regular litany of humility, and then some...
So I highly recommend tacking on your own personal invocations in this litany because God's grace does come through. God is so good, all is grace!
Give it a try! What area of self-love, vanity or pride are you struggling with right now? Do you find a hidden pleasure in being rebellious in some small way - even if it's taken a "sting" at someone or going against their legitimate wishes in some small way? ..."From the desire of being disobedient/rebellious....deliver me Jesus." Do you find you're a bit needy or clingy in a friendship? "From the desire of being needed...deliver me Jesus."
Pray for light from the Holy Spirit; notice what your weaknesses and irritations are.
You'll find greater interior freedom the more you pray for humility and the more you accept the
humiliations God sends your way. Cling to Him - He is the only One you truly need! All else and others are a gift to us from God. So let us be thankful!
"God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble."
~ James 4:6