Who isn't impatient with oneself? I highly doubt there is even one person who doesn't get annoyed at their own faults and weaknesses from time to time.
This picture below kind of looks like me when I get annoyed/impatient with myself:
When it comes to our relationship with the Lord, ridding ourselves of the sin we had become accustomed to committing, and walking in the ways of God, it can be quite a test of patience....with ourselves.
Actually, your entire relationship with God that sanctifies you as you sincerely seek Him will be a life-long "apprenticeship in patience." Patience, patience, patience...and first have patience with yourself. "Have patience with all things, but first of all with yourself," said one of the Church's greatest spiritual directors of all time, St. Francis de Sales.
Often, a person who is sincerely seeking to grow in virtue for the love of the Lord will grow impatient with oneself because there is a desire (a good and holy desire) to rid oneself of their sins. In our eagerness, we want so much to overcome this habit of sin, or to leave that sin behind, that we can become discouraged when our attempted efforts to fight temptation doesn't bear much fruit over some short period of time. We struggle against this vice, against that sin, we face temptation - we fail, we fall. After repeated attempts, we get frustrated and are tempted by satan to just "give it up already - it's impossible!" If you have ever thought this - it's a lie - don't believe it...and don't give up! "With God all things are possible" (Matt 19:26), but we just have to have a firm resolve and persevere - even through our discouragement and frustration.
In order to grow in our patience with ourselves, it is necessary to pray and it is also helpful to know a few underlying causes of our impatience with our selves. These are taken from Father Faber's book "Growth in Holiness":
Causes of our Impatience with Ourselves:
1. Self-love. We are still wrapped so much in ourselves that after a time of trial or temptation, we are unable to stand the disappointment of not seeing ourselves come out beautiful, erect, and triumphant.
2. We lack humility. We are not humble about the "inferior" part of ourselves - those sins, faults, and deficiencies in our character. We get frustrated at them rather than humbly accept that it is part of what we struggle against; the only thing we can do is have resolve to God's mercy & grace, as well as put in our own sincere effort into conquering them.
3. We don't fully comprehend the incapacitating effects of our past sins. Habits of sin from our "past life" certainly leaves an impression that takes much grace and work to undo. Even though God's mercy forgives our sin, there is no doubt that our past sinful actions leave stains upon our souls. For example, repeated acts of constantly getting "our way" builds up self-centeredness in us...so even though God has forgiven past selfish actions, we must now fight against that tendency in us which causes us to prefer ourselves and seek our own self-interests. A person may do this through various acts of self-denial. Or, viewing pornography "re-wires" a person's brain to see other people as objects rather than people of dignity. So while God does forgive the sin (given that the person asks for God's forgiveness), they must "undo" all those years of lustfully looking at women and "retrain" their thoughts -with God's grace and prayer - to view a woman/man with dignity once again and not lust after him/her or think of a person in an impure, sexual fantasy that gives them self-pleasure.
4. We have an absence of the true estimate of the huge difficulties of the spiritual life and therefore the utter necessity to avoid the ways of the world and the worldly way of viewing things. The tiresome labor of progressing spiritually = one of the crosses we will have to carry to reach our sanctification and salvation. There's no "easy way."
5. We have an obstinate disinclination to walk by faith. We want, our nature wants, and our self-love wants everything instantly...we want to see, to know, to be sure, to reason, and to ascertain that success is inevitable. On top of that, we live in a very "instant-gratification" society. We want to see results instantly, we want rewards instantly, we want to see the end result of our labors instantly. Right here, right now, BAM. This does not make it easy to progress in the spiritual life because everything in the spiritual life requires a slow and steady pace.
Saints aren't made overnight...or in a few weeks, a few months, or a few years! Your growth in holiness - your transformation into becoming a real and authentic imitation of Christ - will most likely be a lifelong process and conversion! But do not be discouraged because there are others who are walking this journey with you - and we have the saints in heaven who have done it and are "cheering us on!"
As Father Faber says, "To be patience with self is a blessing. It is the shortest road to improvement...it breeds considerateness and softness of manner towards others. It disinclines us to censoriousness, because of the abiding sense of our own imperfections. It quickens our perception of the utterest dependence on God and grace...it is constant source of acts of the most genuine humility. "
Be patient with yourself!
Book for futher reading:
Growth in Holiness, by Father Faber, 1855.