I just learned a little more about St. Monica today - the famous mother of one of the most
well-known saints of all time: St. Augustine!
St. Monica lived in the mid 4th century. She was married to a man named Patricius (English translation, Patrick lol) who was a pagan, and very proud of it. After they married, she moved in and St. Monica's mother-in-law reigned over their house. She stirred up rumors and lies amongst the family against Monica. Along with this, St. Monica's husband, Patricius, also had an affair and a mistress. He also had a violent temper and was very licentious - typically doing whatever pleased him. He had a respect for Monica, it is true. So it is not as though she had an abusive husband and had to consider her physical safety. But their marriage was FAR from perfect in many other ways.
There was a pivitol moment in St. Monica's life where things got so bad, that she began to develop the habits of an alcoholic. She would bring her husband wine and upon returning to the wine cellar, would sneak a sip. Eventually a sip turned into a draft...drinking more and more. Finally, a servant in the household, spoke up, telling Monica it was inappropriate for her to do that.
Now, Monica, at this devastating point in her marriage and relationship with her in-laws, could have given several different responses: "Who are YOU, a mere servant, to tell ME? ...She could have endeavored to have the servant fired for pointing out her woeful direction. She could have justified herself, "Do you SEE the situation I am in? I almost have a RIGHT to drink!" ....But of all the possible responses, it was one of humility. That comment by that servant caught her attention, and from there she made a firm resolve to change her life and hand everything over to God. St. Monica had shared this later in St. Augustine's life (after his own conversion to the faith) and revealed that this moment - this comment made by that servant - is what the Lord used to propel her conversion. From that moment, she said, she made a firm and determined decision to be faithful to the Lord and her marriage.
After time, tears, and the grace of God, her viscious mother-in-law had converted and become Catholic, noting after all Monica's piety, tenderness, and patience through her previous harsh words and actions toward her. Along with her mother-in-law, came the conversions of her ALL of her in-laws. Her husband took a little longer, but through Monica's example, fidelity, love, and suffering, the Lord heard her prayers and Patricius was baptized one year before he died. His soul was saved.
What would today's solution be? Get out. Divorce. Leave. Yet St. Monica's life is a prime example of her faithfulness to her wedding vows, "for better, for worse, 'til death do we part." One cannot say she did not have a rough marriage. Yet rather than feel justified to leave, she stayed. She remembered that she is the daughter of a Father who keeps His promises - who works ALL things - even things that involve great suffering - together unto good for those who love God (Romans 8:28). The key was her unwavering fidelity to God and her marriage vows.
The greatest good we can possibly achieve in life is our eternal salvation. That's it. It doesn't matter if we achieve this or that, have this or that, live a luxurious life, and so on. All of it will dissolve and decay in time. When we die, we will have nothing but our souls to bring before our judgement. "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?" were the words of our Lord Jesus (Mark 8:36).
Really...what does it matter? If you lose your soul, you lose everything else you've acquired and worked so hard for. That's the reality; that's looking at life in persepctive.
St. Monica knew this. She lived it. The salvation of a soul is the greatest thing we can ever attain in our lives... that's why our Lord said there is so much joy in heaven over someone who comes back to God! St. Monica is a prime example of how our suffering from sad circumstances, trials of life, and mistreatment, can become redeeming. Christ redeemed everything - even our suffering. So even our suffering, when surrendered over to Christ, sanctifies us and brings redemption to others. This is the Catholic teaching of Redemptive Suffering....and I love it! lol St. John Paul II wrote a beautiful encyclical about it. Understanding suffering in this way allows us to suffer with much more peace and grace...and yes, even joy! "Now I rejoice in my suffering for your sake," said St. Paul in his letter to the Colossians. You see, St. Monica used her suffering, her interior pain, and her tears that she endured from the situation of her marriage, her in-laws, and her son, and she united it to the Cross of Christ; she surrendered her pain to Jesus. Rather than take the "easier" way out - which would have been the more comfortable way for her - and leave her marriage and the relationships she had with her in-laws, she followed the path of Christ: She picked up her Cross and followed Him. She stayed faithful to her vows. Did she suffer? Yes. But St. Monica knew that so long as she remained faithful to the Lord and carried this cross she was enduring, that He would bring a GREATER good out of it all. And He did: The salvation of her soul, the salvation of her husband's soul, the entire family of her in-laws converted and were changed, and her son was converted and become one of the greatest saints of ALL time. Now THERE is the greatest good possible!
Easy? No. But St. Monica knew the goodness of the Lord. She trusted. She left all control to Him and did not try to "steer the wheel." It took her nothing but willful surrender to God, perseverance, and determination. She prayed and she offered her suffering to the Lord, knowing that He was not abandon her.
And He did not. Amen!
Thank you St. Monica for your heroic and virtuous example! St. Monica, patron of wives in rough marriages, pray for us and pray for those who are struggling in their marriages!