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Writer's pictureJessica Fahy

Rooted in Love: Thoughts on Being a Stay-at-Home Mom


"Mom, I'm a good boy, right?" Joseph asked me in the car the other day. He asked this after I had just come off of a moment when I had to correct John-Paul about his behavior.

"Yes Joseph, you are. And John-Paul and Teresa are too. Everyone is good. God made everyone good - he made you good! But sometimes, because we are sinners, we make mistakes and sin by doing things that God wouldn't want us to do. That's why it is so important that when we sin, we right away ask God to forgive us and ask Him to help us be the person He wants us to be. But even though we sometimes sin and do things that are wrong, Jesus still loves us and knows we are good because that's how He made you. That's how He made John-Paul and Teresa too - you are all good! Joseph, why did God make you?

"Because He wuvs me!" *Gives a big smile* (We're still working on that "L" sound)

"You got it! He made you, He made John-Paul, and He made Teresa, me, daddy...all because He loves us so much!"

And I noticed Joseph sat there in the back seat of the car, smiling and holding his blankie, as if soaking those words in his mind: "God loves me so much."

We Love Because He Loved Us First (1 John 4:19)

I'm not sure if it's the more thought-provoking questions Joseph has been asking me lately or the various little conversations about the Lord that have been popping up between Joey and I or Bill and Joey, but there is one thing that I've noticed - I've been feeling so very grateful to God for not having to work and being able to stay at home with the children. Let me explain...

The most important thing we can inspire in our children is a deep love for the Lord.

When children are so very young, as in these first 5 or 6 years of life, they are incredibly vulnerable and impressionable. Experts all say that these first early years are extremely foundational in the way a child will grow up. And boy am I seeing that. What better thing can we give our young little children than our love, affection, and presence?

St. John Paul II often reminded families of their duty: "Families, become who you are!" What did he mean? He reminded us that our mission as families is to be a living reflection of the "family" of the Blessed Trinity - that heavenly communion between God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. A perfect communion of love and self-gift.

Mother Teresa referred to families as the first "school" of love. She meant that it is in and through the family that a person will first come to experience love, or the lack of it.

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Children will be inspired to develop a love for the Lord through the way they first experience it through and from their parents. This is why parenting is such a huge responsibility - because it is by our actions and example that they will first come to know God (or not know Him). They come to love God because He loves them (in and through us, the parents) first.

"Goodnight Joseph, I love you."

"I love you too."

"Joey, how much do mommy and daddy love you?

"A lot."

"That's right. Well you need to remember that as much as you know that mommy and daddy love you with alllll our hearts, that Jesus loves you even more! And Mary too! They love you even more and even better than mommy and daddy do, so you can always go to them in all things. Mommy and daddy, even though we love you very much, we are still sinners and sometimes sin; I may yell or be impatient and upset you. We are not perfect. But Jesus and Mary, they are perfect! So as much as we love you and try to show you all of our love, know that Jesus and Mary love you even more."

If a child is experiencing the feeling of being loved and secure through his parents, and his parents share with him that God's love for them is even greater, then it will only be natural for a child to be inclined to draw close and love the Lord: "If mommy and daddy love me so much, and they told me God loves me even more, then God must love me a whole lot!" They love the Lord, because He loved them first. And it was meant for that love to be experienced first through the family. Although this is God's design, unfortunately it doesn't happen like that sometimes, and even though no one comes from a perfect family, there are too many in our world today who sadly come from very broken families. This is a wound that our Lord came to heal and wishes to redeem us from so that we can love like Him. For nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).

In their very early and vulnerable years, there is no greater gift we can give our children than the feeling of being loved and secure.

The Blessing of Being Home

Staying at home with our 3 little ones who are all 4-1/2 and under has given me just that opportunity - to set them in a firm foundation of being loved and knowing that they are deeply loved by their family and the Lord.

Although it is hard work and can be exhausting and trying some days, I wouldn't trade it for the world, or any additional paychecks we could receive. It's been a blessing to sacrifice some of the "frills" of life, live a little more simply, and pour forth my love and time to them. I am so thankful for my husband who is 100% supportive of all of this!

Being at home gives me so many opportunities to teach them about the Lord through various things that will happen throughout the day; we are able to attend daily Mass, pray together at various/spontaneous times throughout the day, listen to songs with them, and so on.

Being at home has opened up more time to read to good, wholesome (and silly!) books to them. Almost every morning I read a few short pages from our children's Bible to them. Some days I feel like, "What is the point?" because I will have Teresa making loud baby noises, or the boys just being outright goofy...those are the times we will get through one page. haha Then there are others where they just eat and don't say much and I explain some little stories. And then there are other times when Joey (our oldest) will ask questions about what's happening. It's amazing how the Lord knows the desires (and doubts) of our hearts: "Lord, are they even taking anything in???" It's not even any kind of prayer directed to God, just a frustration I echo in my heart. And then a couple days later, Joey is "reading" the Bible stories I read (but really he is retelling them from what he remembers). I feel like those are those little affirmations that the Lord gives you to show you that your efforts are paying off. He knows we are doing our best and sometimes we need a little encouragement to "fight the good fight."

Being at home has allowed me to follow through with discipline. Because I spend so much time with them, it's allowed me to be consistent in correcting their bad behavior and teaching them virtue. I don't have to battle any feelings of guilt because I know that for every 1 time I discipline, they are getting at least 20 times the amount of love, attention, and affection! This is so important in forming children into disciples of Christ and "winning" their love, respect and affection. If we don't take the time to do this, we will look for mere punishments - which merely stop the bad behavior, rather than discipline, which takes it a step further and teaches them virtuous behavior. There certainly is effort involved in this and it takes time, consistency, and above all - God's grace! I must credit my husband in this area - I've learned so much from him in the discipline department. Were it not for him, my corrections would probably be mostly yelling or spanking... Not too effective after a while, especially as they get older...

Being at home has allowed me to begin instilling in them a healthy work ethic. Ok, so I love a tidy and orderly house - it helps me think clearly and be less chaotic in my dealings with family life. The Lord, as I can see, is using this natural part of my personality by prompting me to teach them a sense of responsibility to the family. Because I am with them so much and have the time to give them, it allows me to train them in picking up their toys (rather than me always doing it!). I can take the extra 5 or 10 minutes to do a "sergeant" inspection

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to see if, not only they did the job, but they did it well, and didn't leave any toys lingering around. Am I anal about it? No. They are still young and I can tell when it's been a long day, so-and-so is tired, etc... But I do try to be consistent with it so they are getting the point. Or, I can take an extra 10 minutes to have John-Paul set the table and show him where to put things. Lately, Joey has been helping me do the dishes after dinner. Does this take up more time? Yes. But it's instilling in him something far more important - a sense of responsibility and work ethic. And we actually have a nice time together while doing it! Whatever it is I'm teaching them, not only am I doing it so they can do it themselves, but a more important thing I stress is that they should do it well, the best they can. I hope that this will prevent excessive temptations to laziness and "taking the easy way out" as they get older - not only in their personal responsibilities and chores, but in all facets of life. I hope it will help them see that it is more important to do something because it is right and good, not necessarily because it is easy and quick. The other day, Joey prided himself on being a hard worker just like his dad. It was so cute - and so true! In these moments, I try to remember to always respond, "That's great Joseph! Praise God for that! And remember to always do all your work and play for God's glory..." Hopefully this will stick with him as a reminder of what St. Paul said: That our boast should only ever be in the glory of God lest we become prideful.

Being at home with them all day has given me the opportunity to play with them more. The other day we had a sock fight in the living room! It was a blast! Definitely going to do more of these as we become closed in during the winter months... We have the opportunity to go on little trips during the day, go to the library, hang out with the kids' different friends, go to the park, and so on. If I didn't stay home, these opportunities would be so limited!

Being at home has given me more of an oportunity to take time in nurturing the "domestic church," as St. John Paul II called it. It has allowed me to accentuate and bring to life the various feast days and seasons of the Catholic faith - from Advent, to Christmas, to Lent, to our favorite saint feast days and so on. This is another area I continue to want to grow in so that the faith really comes to life for our children (and me!). There are a tremendous amount of ideas - some which can be intimidating because of the time and effort some people put into it - but for myself, I prefer the motto "Simple but special." I have also found a little strategy in keeping "in-tune" with the Church's liturgical seasons - pick and plan ahead of time. So simple and basic, but, for example, now I know that coming up next month, along with Christmas and Advent, there are at least 2 other special feast days that I want to celebrate with our family. I know what to do and what I need, and again - simple yet special. The other day we made "Martinmas Lanterns" to celebrate the feast of St. Martin of Tours (credit goes to "Shower of Roses" blog!). We made them with our friends and later that night we lit a candle inside of them and processed around our yard while singing a couple hymns to our Lord. The boys LOVED it! By the way - like our ghetto hanger hooks??

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Being at home has given me the opportunity to grow more as a person and "die to myself." Oh yes. I see more clearly now than ever how much sin has affected me as a person. What a beautiful "crucifixion" motherhood is, especially when you stay at home. It is a blessing.

Loved and Secure

In reflecting on how quickly the kids have been growing, it has been so incredibly beautiful and fulfilling to know that in their first years of life, the years that are most impressionable and vulernerable, Bill and I can honestly say that we have given them nothing but love. They have been surrounded by nothing but love and security - from us, from their grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Yes, they have witnessed our sinful weaknesses, but we are sincere and truthful with them, and always ask their forgiveness, teaching them the importance of forgiving - forgiving others and more importantly, asking forgiveness from God. We pray for one another too.

Despite the things I've shared, we are not a perfect family; but what I wanted to do was share some things I was reflecting on lately in regards to staying at home with the children and the gratitude to God and my husband for being able to do this. This blog post is only a glimpse into the family life that happens under our roof, so please pray for our family as we strive and struggle to grow in holiness.

On an End Note...

Are there days of fatigue and exhaustion? Yes! Are there tears sometimes? Yes! Are there times I want to scream? (Actually, I sometimes do) Yes! Are there days where I want to bang my head in a wall? Yes! ...But it is all worth it. It is all worth the joy and love we experience; more importantly, it is all worth the joy and love they receive. Above all, it is ALL worth the joy of knowing that they know that they are loved by the Lord. They know (our two oldest at least) why they are here on this earth. They know why God made them. They know heaven is their true home and this life is only a journey toward heaven if they are faithful to God. They know they are sinners and will fail sometimes, but what is important is that they seek God's forgiveness and grace and that regardless of it all, the Lord still loves them incredibly. It sounds crazy that a little 2-1/2 and a 4-year-old would know these things, but they surprise us with all they take in!

This is the firm foundation we are building our children upon: love.

Our vocation as mothers takes on a whole new meaning when we think of it in the words that our Lord Jesus Christ uttered the night before He died: "This is my body, given up for you."

Most Blessed Trinity, have mercy on us and transform our families into living

reflections of Your love!

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