Who is not guilty of this?
We all are - except Jesus and our Lady, who by the anticipated merits of Christ's redemptive act, was preserved pure and free from sin so that she could be worthy to bear and be "one flesh" with the Son of God in her womb and throughout His life as she raised Him.
This is a struggle for every single person because by our fallen human nature, due to original sin, we have an inclination toward sin which the Catechism calls "concupiscence" (CCC #2515).
Defined in the Modern Catholic Dictionary by Fr. John Hardon, it is described as such:
Insubordination of man's desires to the dictates of reason, and the propensity of human nature to sin as a result of original sin. More commonly, it refers to the spontaneous movement of the sensitive appetites toward whatever the imagination portrays as pleasant and away from whatever it portrays as painful. However, concupiscence also includes the unruly desires of the will, such as pride, ambition, and envy.
Concupiscence is not a sin in and of itself, but it is that part of us that fights against right reason and inclines us toward sin. Because of concupiscence, it will always be a battle to do what is right and good; more times than not, it will not be very easy.
When we "enjoy" our sin
But this concupiscence...this is what causes us to sometimes "enjoy" sin. Although sin is always wrong, and we should feel ashamed when we do fall, honestly, sometimes we don't because of the secret pleasure and enjoyment we may derive from it. (It's ok to admit this - although not in a proud way - but just a humble admittance of our fallen nature that at least we're being honest with ourselves here).
This lack of shame is indicative of a dull conscience, a heart hardened against the truth (as repeating acts of sin without repentance will do to our hearts), and demonstrative of our disordered desires (due to concupiscence).
The devil is no dummie - he knew that in order to tempt us to sin, he would have to make it appear as something "good, pleasing, and desirable" (Gen 3:6).
Here's some quick examples of sins that appear as pleasing to us:
Cheating on a test in order to not fail, even though I did not carry out my responsibilities to study....
Telling a lie to a cop in order to get out of a ticket that I honestly deserve....
Gossiping and talking about other people's business and lives just because it's "juicy" when it doesn't personally concern me or the person I'm talking to and/or I have no right to share....
Taking a peak at porn, reading a juicy (and rather graphic) romance novel/article, or fantacizing about things impure in my head because of the pleasure I'll derive from it...
Watching drama shows, movies, or comedies that I know are impure and morally wrong or just plain dark, but they're just so funny and I like them....
When my husband doesn't do something I want or he does something that gets me mad, I'll hold it against him, maybe I just won't have sex with him tonight, or I'll ignore him and hopefully he'll get the point.... (that's being vindictive)
And so on...I think we get the point.
We may enjoy these things sometimes - getting even, being vindictive to get our way or "get back," gossiping, watching impure shows, lieing to get our way - because we derive some pleasure out of it, and sickly, we may even derive pleasure out of seeing others bothered, angered, upset, or hurt by the things we've done to them in order to "prove a point." Sometimes, we derive pleasure and like the sin because of its convenience to us.
These are all sinful things, but the pleasure we derive out of them (rather than sorrow, contrition, and repentance for our sins) tells us of the disorder in our hearts. For one, our hearts are naturally disordered and inclined toward sin because it's one of the consequences of original sin committed by Adam and Even; and two, our hearts become more disordered and hardened the more we commit those sins.
BUT we've all been there. Maybe, we struggle and still are there. (Be honest!)
Wanting to do what is right
Here's the thing. We all struggle with this, we have at some point, or we do to some degree. Yet at the same time most Christians want to do the right thing. However due to several factors - such as living in a culture saturated in sins which it advocates, or constantly repeating our sins to a point of habit, and so on - that desire it still yet weak and it is not willing to endure the cost or sacrifice of doing what is right, good, true and pleasing to God.
From our Lord through both Sacred Scripture and the living Tradition and authority given by God to the Catholic Church who safeguards the truth of God, we learn about what is right and wrong, what is sinful and what is not. We may have learned these things through reading the Bible, through a family member or friend who witnessed to the Faith and provided a vibrant example of Christian discipleship; we may have learned in religion class or through a book we came across; perhaps it was an insightful article or song or internet site; or perhaps just by the encounter with a stranger.
What to do?
First, be honest with the Lord. The Lord loves a sincere and humble heart. If you secretly enjoy something that you know is objectively wrong and is a sin, don't try to hide that from God....He already knows that anyway. The Scriptures say, "No creature is concealed from him, but everything is naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must render an account." He knows the thoughts of our hearts.
Something like this, "Lord, I kind of like (insert sin here)..."
Second, ask Him for what you need.
So, for example, "Lord, I kind of like watching this show on tv but I know that if I want to be pure of heart, that I shouldn't watch it because of the profanity/sexual immorality/immodesty. Change my heart and give me strength to avoid watching these shows."
"Lord, I struggle with this and even wrongly kind of enjoy it. Change my heart and help me to stop (insert sin here)."
Here, in such a simple but heartfelt prayer, we are honest with the Lord about where we are at in our walk with Him and yet know we should not just be content there. We tell Him where we desire to be/what we need His grace for, His help with.
A New Heart
True Christian discipleship is not about rigidly conforming ourselves to laws from without. True Christian discipleship is about God changing us from within.
"And I will give you a new heart, and put a new spirit within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and will give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in the midst of you: and I will cause you to walk in my commandments, and to keep my judgments, and do them. And you shall dwell in the land which I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God. And I will save you from all your uncleannesses..."
- Ezekiel 36:26-29
God wants to make us new; He wants to give us a pure heart and conform us to His heart.
External discipline, self-control and the necessary actions to leave or avoid sin are necessary, don't get me wrong. In fact, it demonstrates (for our sake) two things:
That we are willing to "do our part" in following the Lord. Work and do your part; pray and ask and God will do His part in giving that necessary grace, in His preferred time.
That by these external disciplines and by God's grace, we are destroying our habits of sin and taking on habits of virtue. Our being faithful to God in little things will help build up the strength of our will to be faithful to God in bigger, more difficult decisions. "He that is faithful in that which is least, is faithful also in that which is greater: and he that is unfaithful in that which is little, is unfaithful also in that which is greater" (Luke 16:10) How can we honestly expect to be faithful to God in bigger moral decisions - such as not moving in with a boyfriend/girlfriend prior to marriage when we are invited - if we cannot be faithful to God in smaller things, such as avoiding profanity and letting only that which is gracious come from our mouths? How can we lift bigger, heavier weights in the gym, if we do not build up our muscles by lifting smaller ones first? We need to strengthen our will through working on habits of virtue, even in the "small" things.
In time, these external disciplines (such as avoiding watching those channels with those immoral shows), by God's transforming power, no longer are a difficult discipline as they perhaps once were when we made the decision to be faithful to God and leave a particular sin, but have become now outward manifestations of our inward spirit, namely, for example, that now we avoid those shows because we don't even have a desire to watch them. At first, that discipline of avoiding those impure things was probably such a struggle because in a way, due to our disordered desires, we wanted them so bad. This is no longer so as God's grace fills us.
This is because the Lord "creates in us a clean heart" by His transforming power; our disordered desires for sin and sinful things have now been ordered toward what they were meant and created to be ordered toward: God and all that is "true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious, and holy" (see Philippians 4:8).
Although we are sinners and fall, that's what God wants to do: Lift us up out of the muck of our sin, clean us, and transform our hearts into His so that "I live, now not I; but Christ lives in me" (Galatians 2:20). If we do this, if we persevere in our prayer and effort, asking God to transform and change our hearts, He will. He will not let you down. God is faithful.
So whatever you are struggling with, know you are not alone. But know that it's also not where God desires you to be. He has more in plan for you and wants to restore you to the dignity with which He made you. It demands leaving the ways you sin (even if you like it!); it demands asking Him for this grace. It requires being humble, honest, and sincere and asking Him to order our hearts aright because we must realize that all of our sinful actions, words, and thoughts arise from within our hearts. As our Lord Himself said, "But what comes out of a person, that is what defiles. From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile” (Mark 7:20-23). It demands perseverence and humility in our fight for freedom from the slavery of sin because we will probably fall over a 1,000 times 1,000 times. The devil wants our repetitive failure to discourage and despair us in our fight to leave sin; God may allow these repeated failures to help us grow and be more humble, to help us realize how truly dependent we are on Him and His grace, or to "test our will" and see if we are sincere and determined to leave the sin. If we are not sincere and have a firm purpose of amending our life...we will usually fall back into our pattern of sin with indifference. God has His designs and they are done in His wisdom for our salvation. We must trust in Him and never give up, despite when we are tempted to.
All in all, especially when it comes to liking what we shouldn't, we most urgently need to ask the Lord to transform our hearts.
"Create in me a clean heart, O Lord
Renew within me an upright spirit"
-Psalm 51:12