There's a great new movie coming up on the weekend of Valentine's Day. In case you haven't heard, although I'm sure you have, it's called 50 Shades of Grey. DISCLAIMER: Please read this post through to the end.
Here, I'm proposing 6 reasons why you should go to the movie theatres and watch it.
6 Reasons to Watch This Movie
1. You enjoy pornographic images and/or movies
Ah yes, the MPAA rated this movie as "R" for: "strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity." 50 Shades of Gray has more explicit sex scenes than the 100 “most naked” films of 2014 put together, according to The Drudge Report. Basically, this is a nice stepping stone that polishes the way for the porn business to mainstream pornographic movies on the Big Screen...and rate them as "R". The author of the book, E.L. James, admitted that when she wrote the book, she didn't intend it to be a mere "romantic novel" of "mommy porn" (as she described it), but wanted it to be "actual textual porn." So the movie will portray this...and in fact, the author noted that the fans of the book demanded it. So if you like porn, or want to delve into the "curiosity" of it all, and view something so offensive and degrading to the human person and what sex actually is, then go watch this movie.
But if you do have an understanding of the objectification of people that pornography actually is, and how viewing it distorts our understanding of true, intimate love and sex, then you won't go see this.
2. You like to see people physically, emotionally and mentally abused.
The video trailer to this movie is quite interesting, as it deceives the public with a visually appealing melodramatic love story that romanticizes and normalizes sexual violence. Nice - "romanticizing" abusive actions. You like that? You think real-life stalkers and manipulators are romantic and someone to fall in love with? Go watch this movie. ...But I say that is a very sick and twisted notion of true love and intimacy. If the thought of a person being abused or used for sexual pleasure disturbs you, you would have no desire to see this movie. But the fact of the matter is, people's desires have become so perverted and darkened by their desire to sin and by their lack of repentence for past sins committed, that the thought of going to see a movie which exploits this kind of relationship actually doesn't really bother you.
But if you didn't like these things and opposed this kind of behavior, you would not go to watch this movie and probably oppose it.
3. You want to contribute to the normalization of women being violently treated or abused in relationships in our society.
Here is what is largely being promoted through this novel and movie: BDSM. Here's the anacronym, provided by the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
Bondage - Servitude or subjugation to a controlling person; the state of being a slave; being physically restrained.
Domination - Exercise of mastery or ruling power.
Sadism - Enjoyment that someone gets from being violent or cruel or from causing pain, especially sexual enjoyment from hurting or punishing someone…a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others.
Masochism - Sexual enjoyment from being hurt or punished.
Do you think these things are humane and dignifying? I say that is quite a sick rendition of "love" and "intimacy" with someone. I can't imagine claiming you love someone, and then enjoy hurting them... I can't imagine anyone being psychologically sound who enjoys being roped, whipped, cuffed, man-handled and beaten... That's called sexual perversion and fetish.
There was an article published in the Journal of Women's Health; the leading 3 experts who conducted the analysis noted that there was emotional abuse present at every interaction in the book. They stated, "Our analysis identified patterns in Fifty Shades that reflect pervasive intimate partner violence—one of the biggest problems of our time. Further, our analysis adds to a growing body of literature noting dangerous violence standards being perpetuated in popular culture." They also noted, "Our analysis identified patterns in Fifty Shades that reflect pervasive intimate partner violence—one of the biggest problems of our time. Further, our analysis adds to a growing body of literature noting dangerous violence standards being perpetuated in popular culture." Intimate partner violence affects 25% of women...I'm sure theose women who experience such abuse would have a few words for you for wanting to perpetuate such behavior as "normal" (as in culturally acceptable). You think piqueing your curiosity about such demented behaviors has no impact at large on the cultural message such attendance to this movie (and reading the book) sends. You are putting your own selfish pleasure-seeking above what's good for women in our society as a whole. ...But if you want contribute to the degradation of women, relationships, and sex and also think these things are dignifying to people, please go watch this movie and tell your friends!
However, if you believe these things are NOT dignifying to the human person - especially women who will be the victims of such degrading behaviors - then you won't go watch this movie and would oppose its coming out.
4. You enjoy a sick and twisted notion of intimacy and sexual love.
There are many things sick and perverted about this movie. It makes appealing a stalker-figure who manipulates a woman by buying her things just because he's super rich. She goes along with his dehumanizing acts of sexual violence and perversions and in the end, is left dehumanized by it herself. Love and sexual union should have nothing to do with actions of manipulation, control, domination, actions that inflict pain or mentally/verbally/physically degrade a human person. When you love someone, you don't hurt them, you don't try to control them, you also don't subject yourself to being hurt by them either verbally, mentally, or physically either. That's called you experiencing a type of enslavement. This is all a means to further darken our understanding, the Lord's design, of sexual, intimate love. But if you enjoy this perverted notion of relationships and sex, go watch this movie.
But if you don't believe this is what love and sex is at all about, then you won't go watch it.
5. You believe that just because it's a movie and not real, that there's no harm.
This is a common excuse that myself and others have heard over and over again. I used to think this too about the things I used to watch and listen to.
You think that we are minds apart from bodies; that what you view with your eyes and take into your brain and heart has no bearing on how you view the world, what you will deem as acceptable, and how it influences your behavior. You are a mind and soul detached from a body. It's all just "pretend."
So you are wiling to entertain such pretend such stuff as #1-4 I listed above? I say there's something not right about that "pretend."
"From the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks" our Lord says. If our diet consists of such "entertainment" as this - even curiosity to every now and then, what does that say about our hearts? Why would we even be interested in seeing this? It tells us that sin - and exposure to sin - has soiled our souls. It has made us impure...and we are ok with that. It tells us that our hearts have gone wayward due to the influence of our immoral culture and our own sins, and we have fallen out of alignment with God's better plans for us.
We are choosing dirt over gold and we're ok with that.
6. You, as a woman, want to forfeit your "right" to complain about how men treat women in our culture.
Our society guages and measures what is "good" and "bad" by its acceptance & "demand" by people and how much money something makes. This is reality.
If you want to go see this type of movie and support the message it sends by giving your money over to its profit-making then you have no right to complain about how men wrongly treat women. Why? Because by watching and paying for such a movie (thereby contributing to its popularity and profit) you are condoning this maltreatment and abuse of women. Evil spreads by good people who remain silent. We remain silent because we are cowards; we don't want to "stick out;" we don't want to "rain on the parade" of those around us so excited to see this movie. We don't want to endure criticism and mockery. We are cowards.
So don't complain about "how bad men are" and how "men are not gentlemen today" and then go say "I'm a classy woman" when you support movies/tv/books like this. It doesn't make sense and your actions are contradictory to who you claim to be. A classy woman wouldn't 1) Read/view such material and 2) Support such behavior by giving her money over to the book or movie or contribute to "viewer demand and popularity" by watching a tv show. A classy woman would do what was right and stand for the dignity of the human person, even if it meant she would endure a little suffering because of it.
Here's the Point...
I do not actually think you believe in #1-6. You are an incredibly dignified person, made in the image and likeness of God, called for virtue, greatness, and eternal life in heaven. I wouldn't doubt that you are at the least a decent and selfless person, concerned about the well-being for all people, not just your own self. I do not think any rational, thinking person would actually affirm any of the #1-6 reasons for seeing the movie.
However, this is a prime example of how our sinful tendencies can get the best of us, and lead us to be curious about such things, support such behaviors, or go see a movie about such things just because we say "it's not real." It IS real-life: People ARE suffering from the things this movie glorifies.
This is a primary example of how sin darkens our intellect and weakens our will....and then how we choose to go with poor reasons (really trying to justify our sin) to view a movie like this.
If you think porn is objectifying human beings and using people as things, if it bothers you to see people emotionally, physically or mentally abused, if you do NOT want to contribute to the normalization of partner violence and the degradation of women in our society, if you believe in real love and intimacy as self-gift, noble, and dignified, if you acknowledge that the things we choose to entertain ourselves with do influence the way we view the world, OR if you want to change for the better the way men act as men, and women act as women, then there is not one good reason for you to go watch this movie. If you believe any of those things I just mentioned, any ONE, then there is not one reason to go support such a movie as this...the only real reason we would (if we can so humbly and honestly admit) is that sin has created a disordered appetite in our hearts - that sin present in our own lives has distorted our vision of what love and sex are meant to be. You need to go to the Sacrament of Confession. The only real reason (if we can so admit), is that we are "damaged goods" perpetuating our own damage and hurt in the false guise of "romantic love" instead of seeking redemption, love, and the healing of our woundedness in Jesus Christ. You need to surrender everything over to Christ.
Looking For Love
Everyone on the face of this earth is looking for love - we are humans looking to love and to be loved to the full. Sadly, in our broken world, we experience things that lead us to believe this is not possible. Yet because our hearts were made for this love, because we were made for love since God, who IS love, created us, our deep yearning leads us to keep looking for it; however, due to our experiences that have left us hurt, it distorts how we look for this love.
Sometimes to cope with past experiences that have hurt us, we either completely shut it out and deny the pain (until eventually in time it surfaces), or look to those situations more because it may have been the first time we actually felt loved - even if it was in a twisted way: Abandoment by a father who was never there; experiencing the abuse of someone who "loved" us or witnessing this abuse upon someone we care for; being in a marriage with someone whom we love but we feel is generally emotionally distant or disconnected from us; being in a relationship with someone who is being unfaithful to the other through pornography and other fantasies yet because we love them and feel weak and vulernable toward them, we are willing to subject ourselves to this as well, or at the least, put up with it. This hurts our understanding of love and sex deep down.
We carry wounds of experiencing love and then it all falling apart - we may look for that love, even if it's "mixed in" with the ways it all broke down.
We are all broken in some way. I am a sinner. You are sinner. I have been hurt in yearning to love and be loved; you have been hurt in yearning to love and be loved. We all have those bitter experiences from our pasts that have impacted us in some way be it through a family member, a friend, a past relationship, a marriage that's falling apart... The difference is in how we deal with it. We can close and box ourselves in, pitting ourselves against the world as if real love is not possible; as if there are no good men out there; as if things are hopeless and the situation we are in has no hope. We can put our guard up against the world, making us fearful, bitter, negative, and despairing thereby creating a self-centered mentality that the only person we need to look out for is ourselves....Survival of the fittest. We can bury ourselves 6 feet underground to seek pity, to shut ourselves in....to not live, to suffocate us, until we allow ourselves to be dead on the inside, though still breathing on the outside.
Or - in a moment of utter honesty, sincerity and vulernability - we can admit our brokenness,
our disordered desires, confess our sins, our wounds, our hurts and hand it over to Jesus Christ. His love does not disappoint. His love never betrays us. His love is never unfaithful. He is faithful. He IS love itself and the fulfillment of all of our desires for love. We can let Him heal us through our tears to make us whole, to make us alive again, vibrant with joy and life. We can cast off despair and live with the unwavering hope and knowledge that we belong to a Father who keeps His promises. We can walk unafraid of being hurt, knowing that we are loved fully and totally by the Lord and that our only true security lies in Him. You see, people, because we are human and sinners by our fallen nature, will in some way let us down, disappoint, or hurt us - even if by accident, and even if they are our most faithful companions.
God does not.
If we are willing to open ourselves up to Him, we can be loved and love to the full, even if in the process of loving others we might get hurt ourselves. Why? Because we know we are loved by the One, Jesus Christ, who took on our human nature. Jesus Christ our Lord who chose to experience the pain of being abandoned, lonely, hurt, sad, abused, mocked, isolated, and killed....even by those who loved Him. Yet, because Christ rose from the dead, there is redemption in our pain and broken experiences; there is healing. Hurt, sadness, despair, loneliness, and pain do not have a last say because Christ won't let it....if only we surrender to Him.
That painting above is called Forgiven by Thomas Blackshear. I love this picture because it depicts a person who is weak, wounded, barely able to stand. This is what we will experience the further we continue down a dark path of willful sin. This is what perhaps we already have experienced from our life of sin. This is perhaps how we feel from bitter life experiences that have left us broken or wounded in some way. Maybe this is how you feel now. And there is a hammer in the man's hand, the hammer that has nailed Christ to the cross. That is depictive of how our sins have nailed Christ to the Cross, and how our sins hurt our Lord. Yet despite the ways we "abuse" our Lord, when we are finally ready to give ourselves over to Him, He is right there ready to catch us just before we fall. He clings to us and holds us tight, despite how much we have wounded him and hurt him by not loving him, by choosing our sins. He holds no grudge, no bitterness against us; He forgives us, He wants to give us strength and healing. Yet, as St. Augustine said, even though God made us without us, He cannot save us without us.
If we so choose to follow Christ whole-heartedly, seeking to "resist sin to the point of shedding blood" as the Scriptures admonish us to do, then there is an unwavering joy and security of all of this that the Lord ardently desires ALL of us to experience: The joy of being loved by Him, and the joy of loving Him. There truly is nothing greater than this on the face of the earth; we must be humble, sincere, and give Him permission in our lives to change our hearts and heal our wounds.
But He can't do it if we won't let Him.
I challenge you to do a noble thing: I sincerely hope you consider this post and choose to not view this degrading movie for a greater good - the good of women, the good of the dignity of the human person, the good of encouraging healthy relationships in society, and for the good of your own soul. Please pass this post along and share it.