The novel and upcoming movie 50 Shades of Grey has created quite a massive phenomenon of fans, especially among women in their 30, 40, and 50-somethings. Yet the things this movie glorifies would seem to be something so contrary and offensive to most women – especially those who have experienced and suffered from domestic violence. However, for some reason, there is quite a large majority of women who do not see it as so.
In the last blog, I pointed out that there are 2 reasons that women, despite its offensive-to-women content, are still attracted to this type of movie:
1. Our intellects and consciences have been darkened by sin; sin has weakened our wills.
2. We live in a culture in which we are constantly bombarded by sex-saturated messages and pornography, thereby we are desensitized to it all; we are growing up in a culture where we are “conditioned” to accept the immorality which the culture touts in the false name of “rights” and “freedom.”
But there’s a third reason and it is this:
Deep down, there is a truth (largely perverted by BDSM) about the largely women-audience it draws: Women want to be lead and surrendered to a man.
Please read on to further understand!
Dr. Gregory Popcak, a professional family counselor, noted that:
Many people are mystified by the movie’s [50 Shades of Grey] appeal, but research shows a large percentage of women are very attracted to the kinds of sexual activities portrayed in 50 Shades. According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, nearly 65% of women reported fantasies about sexual submission. Specifically, more than 52% percent of women said they fantasize about being restrained during sex, 36%of women desire to be spanked, and 28.9% fantasize about being forced to have sex. Fantasies about being sexually dominated are quite common among women.
WHY is it that so many women would buy in to seeing this movie and reading the book about sexual submission?
It’s because it expresses a truth – although a seriously perverted and distorted version of that truth – about the way God made man and woman to relate to one another.
Satan is at work here; we are in a spiritual war (Ephesians 6:12-17). But this is what Satan does – he takes the truth of God and exchanges it for a lie (Romans 1:25); he takes the good and beautiful designs of God and twists and perverts them into evil designs.
Trust, Receptivity, and Surrender…God’s Design for Women.
I’d like to point out that today, when a woman typically hears of the idea of “letting a man lead” or “being surrendered and trusting” in our culture, they probably don’t typically think of it in a noble way. Our culture automatically associates it with a type of control or domination, and for the woman, weakness. If a woman (like myself) were to dare say that her husband is the head of her household, it would be perceived as an oppressive totalitarian regime that reigns in the Fahy household. …Or old-fashioned. Women – especially radical feminists – would then assume I have no backbone, have no self-esteem, and so on. They would say I’m oppressed and stupid…or old-fashioned.
I would laugh because you see, it’s all based off of an entirely different assumption about what “letting a man lead” means. Their definition of “male leadership” equates with control, domination, and oppression. These correlations are due to the influence of our culture, the failed noble leadership of past men in their own lives, and a type of fear that the woman carries due to these experiences.
God Made it Right
God desires that men be icons of Christ, particularly when it comes to marriage. St. Paul gives us the most clear indication of this in Ephesians 5:21-32. But this doesn’t mean that just because a man isn’t married, he shouldn’t strive to still imitate Him.
God gave men these natural charisms (or gifts) of leading, protecting, and providing for the good of others not for themselves. Feminine charisms (receptivity, trust, and surrender) and masculine charisms (lead, protect, and provide) are gifts that God gave to men and women in a particularly accentuated way. It does not mean that because certain charisms are accentuated among men that women can’t have them, and vice versa (so let me clear the air with that). What I do mean is that men, in general, have more a drive to compete with one another and "be in lead"; they have a tendency to be more physical, rougher, and stronger than women; and they tend to pride and judge themselves (moreso than women) in relation to being appreciated and respected for their work, accomplishments, and “bread-winning.” It’s not that women don’t have these drives, but they are accentuated among men – and that’s for a reason.
It is a very attractive thing when a man can lead and protect others for a good and selfless cause. It is a very sexy thing (if I might say so myself, thanks to my husband :P) when a man can lead others to holiness, to heaven, and choose the right and best thing for others, for his wife and family, even if it means it will cost something of himself. Leading, protecting, and providing, as God made it for men, is meant to be driven by servitude and selflessness. If the man is an icon of Christ in a unique way (which he was created to be), then he is called to imitate Christ – to lay down his life for others and pave the way to goodness, truth, and heaven, just like Christ. He is to lead, defend, and provide in such a way that he dies, perhaps not physically, but dies to his selfishness, to his sins, to his vainglory, pride, and greed…no matter what it may cause him to suffer. He leads and inspires others by serving others, just like Christ.
Wouldn’t it be a noble thing if men responded to their God-given gifts this way?? (Now whether or not the men we know are actually living this way is dependant upon his virtue, his bondage to sin, the influence of our warped culture or his own past experiences which have wounded him). But deep down, I truly believe that all women desire such a man as this “Prince Charming” – even if they tell themselves it’s all in dreams.
As for women, Scripture reminds us that in a unique marital way, we are an icon of the Church, whom Christ calls his bride. This gives the Church a specifically feminine charism in this particular way: That the Church receives the life and love of Christ, trusts in His ways and guidance, and surrenders to Him to lead the way to eternal life. Women’s charisms are that of receptivity, trust, and surrender.
It’s a lot easier for a woman to be more receptive of others’ needs and she can more easily sense when a person is upset; it’s easier for a woman to reach out in compassion. In general, it’s easier for women to trust others and build bonds with others. Of course, in both cases, a woman takes a risk by opening herself up and then being hurt or rejected…but that’s the risk Christ took too; that is truly loving any person we come across. In general, it’s also easier for a woman to put down her pride and be humble like our Lady. This is surrender – not always having to take control, have the last word for its own sake, or constantly adjusting whatever others propose for nor just or good reason. This would be a reason why women are more likely to be church-goers than men; it’s easier for them to “let down their guard in humility” and surrender to God. Surrender, in the way God designed it, is not a form of weakness like we probably typically associate it with in our culture. It’s not giving up and being a doormat. Its essence is being humble. Men have a harder time putting away their pride than women – it’s because they have a drive to lead and provide. Men have a harder time trusting because their protective and on-guard instincts have them “on the lookout” for harm and danger – even if that’s the “danger” of another man trying to hit on his girl. A man has a harder time being receptive because of the actual way his brain is wired, he’s not as “aware” of others’ emotions; he also has a harder time being “receptive” (receiving) because he’s driven to provide (to give) for his family, or pay for his girlfriend, labor, and work. A man prides himself on this…that’s the way God made him.
Between the man and the woman, there is a give-receive relationship. Even if you look at the body, the male’s genital organs point out and initiate the life-giving process by a literal “giving” of his sperm to the woman. The woman’s genital organs are hidden inside of her; she is a mystery in a way. Yet in return, the woman receives that life-giving sperm into the hidden tabernacle of her womb. From there, her receptivity actually becomes her gift to her husband: The gift of their child.
It would be legalistic and pharisaical to say that because the man is the giver, and the woman the receiver, he’s the only one who should ever pay and provide for all things; that he is always the one who should be showing the acts of love and affection through notes, flowers, acts of service, and so on. This is definitely critical in the beginning of a relationship; it is only natural for a man to want to “win and woo” the girl he is attracted to. Yet in time as comfort and familiarity is established, the giving of this affection and affirmation needs to be mutual. A man and his noble desire to serve and give to his wife – for their love to be lively and fresh - needs to affirmed too be it through affection, kind words, a mindful gift or card, and so on…. In time, if she is overall a demanding nag or if she is critical or controlling, his noble desire to serve and lay down his life selflessly for his wife will decay and he’ll do what she says just to shut her up. A man is never truly happy being whipped like an obedient dog or an on-demand butler.
In the end, God desired that man and woman be mutually submissive to one another. Submissive does not mean weak and “Hey, use me as a doormat.” However, our current culture has come to redefine it as that, unfortunately. Yet that’s not the root of the word. (For clarification: sub = under; mission = mission…hence “under the mission of”). Particularly in the woman’s point of view, it means she needs to put herself under the mission of the man: Which is to lead, protect, and provide, to serve and lay down his life and die to himself just like Christ did for the Church.
Dang...now that’s though. But that’s the way God made men, and we as women are to be receptive to that gift.
BDSM: Truth Warped
Now let’s look at this stupid movie. Umm…involves the violation of a woman’s dignity; leads to the degrading of women in society; abusive; pornographic. And although this BDSM goes both ways at times, we see in the story who has the upper hand: Mr. Grey.
Yet this book has attracted nothing but a massively female audience who are “turned on” by his dominance and control. What’s the deal?
It’s because it expresses a truth – although a seriously perverted and distorted version of that truth – about the way God made man and woman to relate to one another.
Deep down, a man desires to lead and use his strength to protect others; yet here we see how he leads through control and manipulation not self-sacrifice. We see how he uses his strength not to protect the woman, but to hurt her and to gain physical, sexual pleasure for himself. This is God’s design gone bad due to sin.
In the same breath, we see how millions of women are being entertained and enjoying Mr. Grey’s “sexy” domination and control over the woman. Yes, I’ve read blogs where they admit to being lured and attracted by Mr. Grey's control and domination. However look – it’s their God-given feminine charism of receptivity and surrender being twisted and distorted.
That’s exactly what Satan does – he takes the truth of God and exchanges it for a lie; he takes the good and beautiful designs of God and twists and perverts them into evil designs. Women have bought into the lies of the radical feminist movement that “women don’t need men,” that “women should be as ‘sexually free’ as men to do what they want,” that “the woman needs to show the man who’s in control,” that “women need to have the upper hand above men,” and that “abortion is a ‘right’” and “contraception is liberating,” that “sex can be pleasure apart from the possibility of becoming a mother,” and some lies that even tout that “motherhood is oppressive” and that a woman’s career is the determining factor of her success. (By the way, I say radical feminist movement because this movement promotes a false idea of femininity – one that diverts from the truth of who a woman is and what the essence of her femininity, womanhood and motherhood truly are). It’s also quite interesting that a vast majority of women attracted to this book and movie are in their 30, 40, and 50-somethings and have consequently been influenced the longest and most heavily by the radical feminist movement of the 60s and on. Those in their 30s, 40s, and 50s have had a good few decades of false feminist messages bombarding them through the media and corrupted culture. (This of course doesn’t mean the younger generations’ minds haven’t been infected by them…)
50 Shades of Grey is truth gone bad: Women, in the depth of their hearts, desire to be lead by and submitted (remember 'submit' = "under the mission of") to a man who will lead them by his self-sacrifice, heroic virtue and his noble desire for the good of others… even at the expense of himself.
What woman in their right mind wouldn't want to support and thereby put themselves "under the mission of" a man whose mission itself is to die to himself, be selfless, heroically virtuous, and self-sacrificing for the good of others, especially for the good of you and your soul???
(I don't know about you but I think this is incredibly sexy).
We see how many women’s deepest desires - who perhaps have suppressed their true feminine charisms of receptivity, trust, and surrender by living in accord with the lies of radical feminism - are becoming manifest. Their desires, after all, are written on their hearts by the hand of God who created them and will therefore always be there, although perhaps buried deep. However, like the devil always does, he counterfeits God’s good work. Satan has taken that manifestation of God’s truth and warped it to reveal those feminine charisms in a very distorted and offensive way.
Hopefully now we see that one things is clear: 50 Shades of Grey is the twisted truth.