^ This is a sign we're getting close to rest time...
Around this house, we take rest time seriously... Cargo nets over the top of the baby crib, bolted and locked doors, and the like...
We need it. The kids need it. I need it.
Our family NEEDS a routine "rest time."
Is it every day? For the most part, yes. But we'll be flexible and skip if there's a nice opportunity for the kids such as going to the zoo; or we might have playdates that push us slightly pass that 1pm mark. It's more about consistency than a militant, regimented schedule; consistency throughout the week and consistency in the time of day. Our youngest who is 15 mos always naps. Then our 3 year old naps 90% of the time (unless it's one of those special occasions where we allowed a "skipped" nap), and our almost-5-year- old falls asleep on average about 4 days of the week during rest time. But pretty much every day, between the hours of 1-3pm, things settle in the house and all is quiet. (Ahhhh! *sigh of relief*)
Why it's worth sticking to...
I'll never forget a piece of advice my mother-in-law shared with me. She passed on something her grandmother told her: That kids need their naps. And parents need their breaks.
If it weren't for that piece of advice, I probably would have given up on rest time when Joseph was about 3-1/2 when he started resisting rest time and went through a phase where he didn't nap/rest. But rather than throw it out the window, I kind of waited and observed this change in sleeping pattern and started changing the way nap time was done since he was getting older and was a little more mature for his age. Rather than throw it out completely, it became a "rest time" where I gave him rules: 1) You must be quiet, 2) You cannot get out of the bed, 3) If he got out of bed or got loud and created a disturbance, he would have to stay in rest time longer and 4) he couldn't come out of his rest time on his own; I had to let him know rest time was over and he get out of bed. At that point, I also began introducing books into his rest time for him to look at. It really kept him occupied; sometimes his imagination would get carried away. Then maybe after about 20-30 minutes, he'd fall asleep. If an hour or more passed and he was still wide awake, I'd let him out of rest time. That's pretty much how it is now with him and he's almost 5. He knows the rules, and precisely because he is getting bigger, I allow him a few other options during our rest time: puzzles, writing, drawing, books, audiobooks, etc... Non-messy and quiet/calming activities. We don't do tv or any time of game/electronic device; I wrote a post in the past on why we limited screen time with our young children. There's definitely a lot of good you can get from those, but at this point, I don't think it's necessary and they're completely fine without it.
For our younger ones, they still fall asleep during their rest time. John-Paul (3 years) recently hit a phase where he started playing in his room during our rest time and didn't want to nap. We are still working through it (it's been almost 3 weeks, but it's gotten a lot better and he's getting the message). One day I went into his room 20 times to either take away a toy or physically put him back in bed (which sometimes you might have to do!). He would often laugh at me too (which really annoyed the crap out of me inside). But the trick is to stay calm but firm and then outlast them in their stubbornness. They'll give up eventually - you just have to outlast (and out-survive because boy it was exhausting!). The next day I decided to give him clear consequences: If he got out of bed or played with a toy, he'd have to go to bed early. He listened to that...for about 3 days....then, he tested (as kids like to do!). So that's what I've done every single time he's broken the rest time rules - he goes at the least a half hour early to bed. To make it more torturous, I'll play a little tv show during that time and naturally, he'll want to watch it too. But it's, "John-Paul, you didn't stay in bed during your rest time so you need to go to bed early now." It's the same message every time and it's finally sinking in... and there's no meltdowns later in the day because everyone got their rest/relax time.
Oops, he wasn't supposed to see me snapping this pic...He was juuuussstt waking up
I thought about that piece of advice though: Kids need their naps. It's so true. Especially when they're so little, they're growing at an exponential rate - at a pace faster than they ever will the rest of their lives. Their little brains and bodies are developing and changing rapidly. On top of that, they are EXTREMELY active. Finally, you know they still need it when they're all whiny and cranky as the day drags on, well past their nap time. That's what happens with us: John-Paul or Joseph can't turn a door knob and it's all sobs and tears and whiny pleas to help. They're still so young, and even if they don't want it (for what child does), their little bodies still need the rest!
Even for us as adults, we need those rest times too during the day. It spans all ages: I remember being in high school and getting so sleepy after lunchtime and doing that thing where you put your hand on your forehead to cover your eyes and look down at your book to make it appear as though you're reading and working....when really your eyes are shut. College...same thing: At work or during classes there's always that "afternoon slump" where your body slows down and you just need a little break. I guess they have it right in Europe and other places where they keep the "siesta" time of day. For myself personally, since I'm home with the kids, I notice a big differene between when I don't get a little rest time and when I do. When we do have our rest times, I feel refreshed and ready to "start my second shift" with renewed energy. When the little guys roll out of their beds after rest time, it's a pleasant, "Hey sweetie, how was your rest time?" and a hug, rather than a grouchy "ugh....no!" uttered to myself. When I rest (when I say rest, I mean simply relax for a bit - although sometimes I do nap too when I need it) I'm refreshed to tend to my family again. When I do, I usually start getting grumpy and irritable around 7pm, will probably yell at the kids (or just let out an endless train of "ughs" and complaints) due to my short circuit and weariness, and pass out by 8:30pm after they're all in bed...
What helps
I'll share some things that I've learned along the journey about ways to help rest time stick. They've worked for us and although each child is different, I've found these to be effective with ours.
Establish a daily routine. We have a nice routine to our day at home and typically schedule things around our rest time. Routine in young children helps them transition from one thing to the next because they know what to expect. So typically, after lunch, we'll have our storytime (helps calm them down after their morning of hyperness...for the most part!), and then transition to rest time.
Sometimes, it looks like this after storytime though...
But even with that, they know what to expect and it creates less room for resistance. When they resist, you insist. There's been many a time where I've had to pick John-Paul up and place him in bed myself because of his tantrum before rest time. Thankfully, he doesn't do that anymore and I think it's because he realized he wasn't going to have his way.
I didn't use toys/books during rest time when they were younger, even if they kept quiet. Boredom is key. It wasn't until Joey was about 3-1/2, close to 4 that I introduced books. If I would have let John-Paul play "quietly" with toys during his rest time - like he tried to do a few weeks ago - he wouldn't rest at all....he'd just play. They play all day; ain't no time for dat in rest time! So up until they get a bit bigger (for example, like how Joey had reached a certain maturity point when he as 3-1/2 or 4ish where he could handle "quiet activities"), boredom is key.
We limit electonic media in our household. Tv, constant music, flashy images, tablets, cell phones, etc... We even prefer simpler toys over the constantly singing/flashing/noise-making toys that fill most of the toy aisles in walmart. All these things can all be overstimulating if a child has a continous and consistent exposure to them. We try to pick and choose and limit them in general. Not to mention, it's really creepy to hear little dolly singing in the toy box in the middle of the night...
Set clear and simple rules and consequences (if they're old enough to understand) and stick to it. The key for this to be effective is to apply it immediately when they first break it, keep it consistent, and follow through with it....every time. A couple times leading up to rest time, I'll remind John-Paul of the rules and consequences to make sure he knows (it's really just him I do this for because Joseph understands now). Then I remind him when I put him in his bed. If I catch him, consequences are dealt. And I don't let him off the hook by now letting him play or get up just because he's already earned an earlier bedtime. That would just defeat my purpose. I would still continue to check up on him, make him put his toy away, or get back in bed - even if it's repeatedly (and exhausts me - like the one time it surely did!).
You have to be stronger-willed than them when they start resisting nap time and breaking the rest time rules. Eventually, they'll see that they're not getting their way and will naturally fall into the routine again.
Don't worry if they cry and scream that they're in rest time. If you show your child plenty of love and affection, you have nothing to fear. After you put them down, and they're carrying on, I found it helpful to go back into their room a couple times and remind them something along the line of, "If you keep carrying on like that and crying and screaming, you're just going to stay in your room longer. Crying and screaming is not going to get your way. You need to follow the rules, and that's it. Now calm down and get some rest." Then I just let them go; eventually they calm down...and end up falling asleep. It depends what kind of approach you feel is best for each moment; sometimes after being stern and, say, John-Paul still won't listen, I'll just go in and hold him or lay with him for a bit or rub his chubby cheeks. Sometimes, he'll be completely fine (for he'll just want reassured of my love those times), and then other times he'll still carry on and then that's the end of that. I will not let him have his way though just because he puts up a good fight.
Napping with them is a nice bonding thing from time to time too (although I won't let it become a regular thing they become dependent on because mom needs to get things done too!).
Be ready to adjust your approach if necessary.
Pray about it! Seriously, bring it to the Lord in prayer. The reason I enforce rest time in our family is because it is best for our family as a whole. It's not just about me and me needing a break. It's not just about the kids either. It's the best for our family life as a whole. The kids feel better when they wake up, I feel refreshed after having some down time to read, pray, do some odds and ends, etc.. After the time has passed, I am ready to serve and be attentive toward my family again with renewed energy for Part 2 of the day. It's also better for my husband because he doesn't have to come home to cranky, whiny children (although sometimes that will still happen regardless because they're still children, but overall they'll always so thrilled to see dad come home); and it's best for my husband in the fact that I can be my regular self - no grumpiness or irrtability or complaints about "a long day" - when he comes home.
"That wife" when Bill comes home
In general, rest time creates a sense of order, peace, and stability that is good for our family as a whole....And we're sticking to it!
For the future...
I know that after I post this blog, my childen aren't going to nap... Oh the irony!
But in all seriousness, I do see rest time as being an aspect of our daily rhythm even as the kids get older. I've come across a lot of homeschooling blogs and many families seem to have this "down time" commonality even with their teens. It makes perfect sense. As the kids get older, it's understood as an hour or two of quiet down time in the middle of the day for things like reading, resting or their own hobbies. I love this concept and I hope it's something that continues to naturally grow in our family as it has thus far.
Now go get some rest!