Here was a 15 minute window of me getting the kids ready for bed last night:
While changing Teresa's dirty diaper, John-Paul walked over to me and told me he had an accident. After I quickly finished changing her diaper and slipping her into her pajamas, I threw John-Paul into the bathtub, washed him up and sent him out to change himself into his pajamas. Meanwhile, I was able to deposit the puddle of pee that had soaked up into the bathroom rug and on the potty stool into the tub. I tried to rinse his pee-soaked bathing suit, the rug, and the stool, apply all-purpose cleaner and scrub speedily because Teresa was cranky and walking all throughout the house while crying and whining. Any time one of the kids opened the door, she would walk in. I had to keep placing her outside the bathroom so I could quickly finish up. Then I soaked up the puddle of pee on the floor with paper towels - I had to be quick because Joseph still had to use the bathroom to get ready for bed. JUST as I finished cleaning up the floor and was ready to dust off my hands in completion, Joseph walks in to tell me he had an accident. I picked him up and put him in the tub and threw in a four-letter explitive out loud to myself out of frustration...."Ok, calm down Jess..." I say to myself. Accidents happen, I know this. It's no big deal; I never want to get angry at the kids for it. But the circumstances definitely made it frustrating. So after he was all clean, I had to attend to the rest of the mess of pee on his carpet in his room. And I can't be one of those people to just grab a paper towel and do a quick soak up with water - not with bodily fluids. No. Because that grosses me out and I don't want my kids walking and playing and crawling and rolling on a carpet with such putrid remains. I have to do it the right way (the harder way I guess) - with carpet cleaner and water, a scrub brush and some laundry detergent - so it's actually clean. So naturally this takes an extra couple minutes. This is just my personality...
Finally! Everything settled down... Now this is just typical kid stuff; and it's really NOT that big of a deal. But my calm disposition gets tested when I get those short, chaotic bursts of time where everything happens at once or all the kids are pulling you in 50 different directions at the same time. Overload! Ah!
Moment of reflection...
I had a moment of reflection which challenged me right in the middle of that escapade...
"Penance."
Then I thought of the saints who were filled with joy in using various difficult situations and sufferings as penances...
Then I asked myself, "Can I find joy in this?" It was honestly a sincere question I asked myself while I was cleaning up the pee...
"No."
...You might be thinking, "Uh duh, what kind of fool would??" ...But are we truly reading the Scriptures closely and letting God's Word transform who we are and our every day lives?:
"The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the learning of the learned I will set aside.'...For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."
- 1 Corinthians 1:18-19, 25
"Let no one deceive himself. If any one among you considers himself wise in this age, let him become a fool so as to become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in the eyes of God."
- 1 Corinthians 3:18-19
"Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ..."
- Colossians 1:24
"Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us."
- Romans 5:3
So while the world rejects suffering, gets irritated at inconveniences, and despises difficulty, a true Christian - one who has true wisdom in the eyes of God - will embrace these things. Did you ever notice that those accustomed to comfort and luxury moreso than others often complain and whine about the silliest things? Suffering, trials, tribulations and everyday inconveniences are a means of sanctification! They make us holy if we respond in the right way.
What is meant by offering penances?
The idea of offering penances to God - aside of the Sacrament of Confession - has been one that is not often preached or talked about in the typical parish today. Yet if we read the lives of the saints, we see how mortification and penance are an integral part of the Christian life.
"Anyone who wants to be a true Christian...must mortify his flesh for no other reason than devotion to Jesus, who, for love of us, mortified His entire Body on the Cross."
~ Saint Padre Pio
There is not ONE saint who did not wholeheartedly practice these things.
Father John Hardon defines penance as (again, aside from confession) "The virtue or disposition of heart by which one repents of one's own sins and is converted to God. Also the punishment by which one atones for sins committed, either by oneself or by others."
Practicing penance (i.e. mortification or self-denial) in everyday life is a virtue which we must acquire! And we must do it for the love of our Lord and of souls. A basic penance we have all probably heard of is fasting.
By offering our inconveniences, sufferings, and daily trials to God for love of Him, we atone for our past sins and the sins of the world so that sinners - including ourselves - can draw closer to God. But only Christ atoned for sins, right? Right! But as Christians, we are His Body. And so when we speak of offering penance to God in atonement for sins, we mean that, in being grafted on to Christ and being a part of His body, we can participate in HIS redemptive act of atonement on the Cross. It all happens through the merits and action of Christ, but because we offer it in union with Christ, we can be the branches of the Vine through which graces can flow.
Restraining self-love
I would like to quote...
According to Saint Alphonsus, the principle purpose of penance and mortification is to "restrain the inordinate inclinations of self-love". It is with this perspective that we must begin - for, as the saint says, "self-love is the most deceitful of all enemies".
If our three principle enemies are the world, the flesh, and the devil, the saints remind us that the flesh is the more formidable of the three, because it originates from within. "A domestic enemy," says St. Bernard, "is the worst of foes". St. John of the Cross echoes this sentiment; "The world is the enemy least difficult to conquer; the devil is the hardest to understand; but the flesh is the most tenacious, and its attacks continue as long as the old self lasts."
This does not mean, however, that the body itself is "bad". Man was created in the image and likeness of God, and is therefore inherently good in nature, though, having within himself the "germ of sin" (Original Sin, or Concupiscience) which inclines him to evil. It is this inclincation which he must wage war against most vigorously in this life. In his book "Love and Responsibility," John Paul II reminds us that every Christian is called to such asceticism, for one cannot find himself without giving himself away. And one cannot give himself away without first possessing himself. Therefore, to possess oneself, self-mastery and self-discipline is required. In other words, we must be masters over ourselves and our disordered passions, in order to be able to truly love and be happy (for true love cannot exist without sacrifice). It is to this end that we must approach the topic of penance and mortification, not in the morbid destruction of the body, but in the elevation of the body and the person to its fullfillment in freedom and love.
The daily grind of motherhood (or whatever your state in life) is your path of sanctification
Your daily duties in your state in life are THE PLACE to look for mortifications and penances. This is what our Lady told us at Fatima and Lourdes. In fact, our Lady lamented that many souls go to hell because there is no one to pray and make sacrifices (i.e. mortifications and penances) for them. The Blessed Virgin Mary said, "Sacrifice yourselves for sinners, and say many times, especially when you make some sacrifice: 'O Jesus, it is for love of You, for the conversion of sinners, and in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary'."
Are you doing this? We should be as Christians. This is being like Christ. It is choosing to suffer like Him so that through Him and with Him, we and others, may come to share in His glory.
Keep in mind, that while exterior penances can be an important compliment to one's spiritual progress, they are nonetheless of a secondary rank to interior mortifications, whereby we deny our will, our attachments, our preferences, our appetites, our ego, our desires for comfort, etc. These interior mortifications are considered by the saints to be the most meritorious, since they directly cut at the root of self-will and self-love.
Saint Teresa of Avila said that interior mortifications are "the means by which every other kind of mortification may become much more meritorious and perfect".
Oh there are MANY ways to do this in the vocation of married life and motherhood!:
- When things don't go your way, don't complain, rant, or post it on Facebook. Mortify your desire to seek pity or empathy and offer that as a penance.
- Don't roll your eyes or grumble when you have to get up in the middle of the night for the kids
- Resist your desire to yell
- Make something special for your husband when you don't feel like it (like a hearty breakfast)
- Fast from social media
- Don't complain about your husband or make wise remarks about him in front of friends and family
- Don't post that selfie you really want to share on social media
- Forgo the sugar in your coffee
- Don't add dressing you like to your salad
- Choose the thing you would least enjoy from a menu at a restaurant rather than the things you crave
- Get up an extra 5 minutes early to pray longer
- Resist the urge to flop into bed at the end of the night and before you do, drop to your knees - even if only for 30 seconds.
- Resist the desire to speak about yourself and your life and ask more questions/listen more to the other person instead
- Resist the urge to always have an excuse for something you are criticized about and just listen to it
- Park in the further spot in the parking lot (this may be a true penance if you have quite a few children to cart! haha)
- Listening to your husband - penance!
- Breakfast gone bad? All that time wasted? Penance!
There are SO many things we can ALL do! Maybe you know of some?
In a more personal way, we can use these penances we offer to God for our children or family members who are facing various struggles against sin. For our Lord says that some demons can only be cast out through prayer and fasting. This means that sometimes it is necessary that prayer be aided by fasting (i.e. mortifications/penances). We may offer a fast from food or something else for a week, etc... If you've been praying for something, try fasting with it. I recently heard a priest preach that one thing Catholic parents often fail to do is offer penances for their children. Needless to say, I'm going to try to be more mindful of this!
In the end, to be quite frank, we should practice penances daily because we're called to be saints and that's what saints do. We may not be there yet, but this will move us in that direction!
...AND...just to humor you, as I was writing this, Joseph woke up and had an accident...again! The Lord has a sense of humor! :P (Although I'll admit, the frequency of accidents such as have happened tonight are not too common...)
If you are interested in learning more about this for your spiritual life, I recommend this webpage which has more information and various books and spiritual writings by the saints.