The mission of passing on the Faith to our children can be daunting, no matter where you are in your spiritual walk as a parent.
I have good news: You don't have to be perfect and saintly until you can begin to do so. You don't have to have it all together first (because no one ever will).
What counts? Your sincere intentions and efforts...and that you begin. Now.
We are all broken; we don't have it all together. More good news: The Lord works wonders through broken vessels, we just have to let Him in.
But we hold this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing power may be of God and not from us. (2 Corinthians 4:7)
Here are the footnotes in reference to this verse:
This treasure: the glory that he preaches and into which they are being transformed. In earthen vessels: the instruments God uses are human and fragile.
God works His wonders through the broken. Where we our lacking - be it our knowledge of Catholicism, our virtue, or our self-confidence - He makes up for and His grace is sufficient. We are broken people, we are sinners. The degree to which God can use us and work through us - especially in inspiring the Faith in our children - is only in proportion to the degree in which we will let Him; it is only in proportion to the degree in which we humble ourselves before Him and admit our nothingness without Him.
Without me, you can do nothing. (John 15:5)
Praise God that we don't do this incredible task of raising our children in the ways of our Lord all alone. Or else...we'd fail. We need the Lord and we need a real relationship with Him. He will guide us; He will do that through the inspirations He will give us, through others, and through life's daily cirumstances.
The Lord walks with you as you endeavor on raising your children in His ways so they may one day have eternal salvation in perfect love and joy, in heaven. The Lord, His Mother, all the millions upon millions of saints and the multitude of hosts of angels in Heaven support you and encourage you! Yes, you!
Parenting with purpose
This is the reason we parent: To raise children who will "love the Lord with all their heart, with all their soul, and with all their mind and love their neighbors as themselves." The reason we parent is to teach our children to know God, to love God, and to serve Him in this world so as to be happy with Him forever in heaven (Baltimore Catechism).
If we are not leading our children to heaven and teaching them these things, we are parenting in vain; it is futile and purposeless. It may serve temporary purposes (good career, be happy, make money, travel the world, get married), but when our children die - which is bound to happen to all people one day - it's all lost (and so may their soul be too) "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?" (Mark 8:36)
How might one go about this? How can we possibly begin to start raising little saints to send back up to God in heaven? Seem impossible? Well, as the archangel Gabriel said to our Blessed Mother at the annunciation: "...for nothing will be impossible for God."
Praise the Lord for His graciousness towards us.
Let us respond then with our Lady:
"Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word."
You are called to holiness
In order to disciple our children in the ways of the Lord, we need to first be struggling to live it ourselves. I say struggle because it is a struggle at times. We sin and fail, despite our best intentions and resolutions. We think we are inadequate at teaching our children about God. We also experience doubt, discouragement, and fear which are of the evil one who wants stop us in our tracks and make us give up the thing which is most important and necessary: The salvation of our souls and the souls of our children. Disregard these temptations and soldier on.
But yes, it starts with you. Your own personal witness to the reality of Christ's love in your life. It starts with a genuine pursuit of holiness.
Holiness? Yes, holiness! Everyone is called to holiness in their own state of life. It's not just the priests and nuns. This is you. You are called, you were made, to be a saint. And not this Hollywoodish perception of a saint, being blah and bleak, but God's reality of sainthood - joyful, having "life to the full!" "I came that they may have life and have it more abundantly" Christ tell us. But this is not of our own efforts and work, this is God's work in us.
Pope Francis reminds us of this call and how ordinary it should be in our lives:
“Indeed,” he said, “it is by living with love and offering Christian witness in our daily tasks that we are called to become saints… Always and everywhere you can become a saint, that is, by being receptive to the grace that is working in us and leads us to holiness.”
- Pope Francis' General Audience, November 19, 2014
The Church reminds us:
"All Christians in any state or walk of life are called to the fullness of Christian life and to the perfection of charity." All are called to holiness: "Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect [Matthew 5:48]."
Ok, future saint. I hope you understand that you are called to a life lived to the fullest in holiness and love.
It starts with you
Here I hope you will find some helpful pointers in beginning and continuing your own pursuit of holiness so that God's grace may flow in your life and, consequently, in the life of your family and children. You will be a strong witness to your children and spouse by these things.
1. Have a sincere desire for on-going, personal conversion
Conversion is not just a one-time deal. It's an on-going, life-long process. We fall and get back up and keep pressing on. We can never stop or become stagnant in growing closer to God and living our lives according to His truth. St. Francis de Sales warned us that the moment we become stagnant or stop in our life of Faith is the moment we actually start going backwards. There is no such thing as "being the same" in our spiritual life; we're either striding forwards or backwards.
You have to make a sincere resolve to live your life according to the truth. St. Paul tells us in his second letter to the Thessalonians that those who do not love the truth will perish. These people, who reject truth or who do not pursue truth by being indifferent towards it, will be damned for eternity by their own choice and negligence. Our eternal salvation is not to be taken lightly; nor is our own personal conversion something to be put off.
Rely not on your wealth; say not: “I have the power.” Rely not on your strength in following the desires of your heart. Say not: “Who can prevail against me?” or, “Who will subdue me for my deeds?” for God will surely exact the punishment. Say not: “I have sinned, yet what has befallen me?” for the Most High bides his time. Of forgiveness be not overconfident, adding sin upon sin. Say not: “Great is his mercy; my many sins he will forgive.” For mercy and anger alike are with him; upon the wicked alights his wrath. Delay not your conversion to the LORD, put it not off from day to day.
- Sirach 5:1-8
Yes, do not put it off. We don't know when our time to die will come.
We have to resolve each day to live wholly for God, the best we can, and confront our sins as the Lord gently brings them to light (and yes, He is so tender and gentle when He does this; believe me, I know!).
We need to strive every day to draw closer to God and stray farther from sin. Sin always separates us from God.
Do not have anxiety over this fear or that worry; if you sincerely pursue the Lord with humility, the Lord will lovingly and tenderly walk with you on your journey. He will work "all things together unto good for those who love Him." Don't worry about all the details. Pursue Him in a humble and honest disposition of heart. We need to follow the Lord where He leads us, even if it means letting go of some sins we secretly want to hold onto or don't want to admit to. If we don't let go of these sins and want to continue to justify, excuse, or worse - ignore them or deny that they are even sinful - we only deceive ourselves and our relationship with the Lord is not genuine but a self-deception we have created. This would be extremely perilous to one's salvation.
Ask the Lord for strength and trust in His goodness and loving concern for you. "Lord, I am afraid, lead me..." "Lord, I know I shouldn't like this, change my heart..." I wrote a blog a while back called When We Like What We Shouldn't. It might help with this.
2. Make prayer a priority.
It's not that we don't have time to pray, it's that it's not a priority. St. Alphonsus Ligouri said that prayer is necessary for our salvation. Prayer is not so much a matter of words as it is the heart. Pray from your heart. Buy a Catholic prayer book. Carve out 10 or 15 minutes of time in your day. Make it a consistent, daily time period and stay true to the amount of time in prayer that you are aiming for, no matter how boring or dry that prayer time may seem. This is half of the battle! But you have to resolve, make a decision of the will, to make prayer a priority and be faithful to that. You may miss a day here or there, but when you begin to see a pattern of missing that quiet prayer time, we need to look at why it's not working. Am I being negligent or undisciplined? Or is there a real reason I keep missing it that maybe I should find another time during my day?
3. Strive for humilty.
St. Teresa of Avila said that humility is truth; it is a living of one's life according to the truth of things. Humility is the foundation of all the virtues because if one becomes prideful of any of their virtue, it is in vain and the virtue is not true virtue.
It is our detrimental pride that keeps us from saying sorry to the loved ones we have hurt. It is our pride that resists an apology "until they apologize first." It is our pride that makes us give the silent treatment to our loved ones or makes us lash back. Pride is a deadly sin and is so serious that St. Thomas Aquinas says that it "sets us at war with God." Yet, if we are humble, it "makes us entirely open to the effusions of Divine grace in our souls." Strive for humility before God, and also amongst your children and those with whom you live.
St. John Climacus said that "humility is a Divine shield and veil which conceals our good works and virtues from our own too curious eyes." Remember, Christ told us that without Him, we can do nothing. Any good we do, any good that we are, any virtue we possess, is because of God.
St. Bernard counsels us on how to grow in this foundational virtue: "Humiliation is the road to humility, as meekness in suffering tribulations and injuries produces patience. If you do not exercise humiliations, you cannot attain to humility."
4. Conquer vice and acquire virtue
St. Ignatius of Loyola has left us a treasure in his Spiritual Exercises. It is a spiritual exercise which helps us focus on a particular sin or weakness we are prone to so that we may eradicate it.
In quoting Fr. John Hardon who elaborates more:
"The particular examen concentrates on coping with the predominant moral weakness of our own personality....Some are more prone to pride than to lust. Some are more prone to anger than to greed. Some are more prone to envy than to sloth. In fact, each one of us changes from time to time in what failure of our moral conduct is dominant, depending on the circumstances and persons who enter our lives.
Evidently we have a better chance to master our tendencies if we take them one at a time and concentrate our efforts on the one weakness that now predominates in our lives. Centuries of moral wisdom has shown it is better to do this than scatter our energy of will over the whole field of our passions." - Fr. John Hardon, Examen of Conscience
Pick your predominant fault and set out to work. Here's the method:
Start my day by acknowledging the desire to change this particular area and asking God for the grace to improve.
Three times in the day I spend a minute reviewing progress so far (morning, after lunch and after dinner).
I give thanks to God for all the good and graces that I have received.
Then I consider whether I have failed in this specific behaviour so far today and if so, how many times. I jot this down.
I keep the record of my lapses for a while to see if, with effort and God's grace, I can slowly get out of the habit and live a life more pleasing to myself and God.
This is a simple and lucid template for self-awareness and continual conversion of life.
Also, at the end of each night, St. Ignatius recommends a general examination of conscience whereby we look over the day, recall the times we've sinned, and ask God's forgiveness for those sins we've committed that day.
Finally, you should also go to confession regularly. Examine your conscience before you go. ...What's that you say? You haven't been to it in years? Wonderful! How much joy there will be in heaven when you go! Welcome home!
"In just the same way, I tell you, there will be more rejoicing among the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” (Luke 15:10)
I wrote a post in the past called How to Begin Again with God; it may aid you more in your journey returning to the Lord.
5. Daily spiritual reading.
Fr. Bartunek explains spiritual reading as "reading something that explains some aspect of Catholic truth in an attractive, enriching way. Its function is to help reinforce and deepen our Christian view of ourselves and the world around us." It is either informative whereby we learns truths of our Faith or it is inspiring and refreshing.
Daily spiritual reading, even if it's just 10 minutes a day, will help tremendously in one's walk with the Lord. I wrote a post in the past on spiritual reading; in it I explain this spiritual practice a bit more and share various links and books that I've read and listened to that have helped me. Perhaps you will find them helpful too although, of course, it doesn't have to be limited to just those things.
6. Receive the Sacraments.
This is pretty simple yet incredibly important. Go to Mass every Sunday and holy day. Go as often as you can. (Yes, there's daily Masses too). Go to confession regularly. Sit before the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. The Sacraments are overflowing fountains of God's grace and life in your soul; they are indespensible in our growth of the love of God.
Be not afraid!
Persevere as you strive to live a Christian life. There is nothing that speaks louder to your children and family than an authentic witness...and a witness who's not afraid to admit they're not perfect, but is a sinner that makes mistakes and therefore needs God's grace and mercy. Yes, the more we pretend like we have it all together, the more we will really fall apart and our vain efforts will backfire. In raising our children in the ways of the Lord, we must first and foremost begin with the conversion of our own lives.
According to the late Fr. John Hardon, in these times we live in, Catholic families will not survive unless they strive for holiness. The attacks against the family and marriage today are diabolical, grave and relentless; the outside influences of the world and its sin are so saturated in our culture and society that simply doing the bare minimum as Catholics isn't cutting it anymore and our children are getting swept away with the culture of death.
Pay careful attention to these words:
"Family life can only be restored in countries like ours only by Catholic families living up to the teachings of Christ and His Church.
This means two things.
First: Ordinary Catholic families cannot survive. They must be extra-ordinary families. They must be what I do not hesitate to call heroic Catholic families.
Ordinary Catholic families are no match for the devil as he uses the media of communication to secularize and desacralize modern society. No less than ordinary individual Catholics can survive, so ordinary Catholic families cannot survive. They have no choice. They must either be holy -- which means sanctified -- or they will disappear.
Second: Family life can be restored in our society only by the apostolic zeal of holy Catholic families -- reaching out to other families who are in such desperate need today.
Pope John Paul calls this, “The Apostolate of families to families.”
In other words, the sanctification of family life implies two responsibilities, not just one: the personal duty for each Catholic family to grow in holiness, as a family; and the social duty of working, as a family, to help other families to remain alive and to grow, as families, not in spite of but almost because of the demonic opposition from the unbelieving world all around them." - Fr. John Hardon, Catholic Families: Heroic?
If you are a parent wishing to pass on to your child the faith, this is what is necessary: Your sanctification. Doing the bare minimum as Catholics, simply seeing our faith as a sterile and separate entity in which we merely "do" by means of a checklist does a great disservice to the Gospel Christ came to proclaim and does a great disservice to the power of the Holy Spirit. Catholicism in practice is a life renewed in the power of the Holy Spirit; it is a life lived "according to the Spirit" in union with the Pope and in obedience to the teachings of Christ and His Catholic Church.
This is for you! You are called to this by the Lord Himself and this is what you were made for! Be not afraid. Let us work together and encourage one another in "renewing the face of the earth" in a culture of life! It is possible!
The Lord is our stronghold and it is in Him we must trust and depend in this great and beautiful calling!
"The Lord is my strength and my shield,
in whom my heart trusts.
I am helped, so my heart rejoices;
with my song I praise him."
~ Psalm 28:7