Let us consider a little bit about conversion of our life - the re-orientation of our life toward God and His holy Will. I am hoping to do a little series on this topic, drawing from the spiritual classic by St. Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life.
Sin is a bondage and a spiritual slavery that burdens our spirit, weighs us down, depresses and oppresses us and ultimately brings about eternal death in hell for the one who does not seek to turn away from it. Sin is a passing pleasure that in the end leaves us with an illusion and lie about what true happiness is. It tells us our happiness can only be found in the temporal things of this world and the disordered desires of our flesh. It promises us momentary pleasure but in the end brings about a remaining sense of emptiness, loneliness, and alienation from the life of God.
The good news is that Christ came to set us free from this! He wants to "set the captives free" (us) from this slavery, transform and give us new hearts rooted in His love, and draw us to eternal life and happiness with Him forever in heaven! We are all burdened by our sins, our mistakes, our poor choices. These things, while they seem gone in time that has passed, actually leave wounds upon our souls. Christ desires to fervently and ardently to forgive them and then bind them up, healing them.
But first,
Let me begin with Scripture:
Say not: "I have sinned, yet what has befallen me?" for the LORD bides his time.
Of forgiveness be not overconfident, adding sin upon sin.
Say not: "Great is his mercy; my many sins he will forgive."
For mercy and anger alike are with him; upon the wicked alights his wrath.
Delay not your conversion to the LORD, put it not off from day to day; [Sirach 5:4-8]
There is much of an indifferent attitude that plagues Christians today and this attitude is a type of spiritual suicide. Even after we have come to know the Lord and made resolution to follow Him, we must always be on guard against spiritual apathy, spiritual sloth, negligence and lukewarmness, lest we get content in battling our vices and sins. We think believing in Christ is enough, but yet we neglect diligently contending against our sins - even the smallest. This robs us of a greater glory which is really God's greater glory and at its worst, can lead us slowly to spiritual death.
This type of attitude toward the spiritual life is what leads one to think, "Well it's not like I'm killing anyone..." or "Well it's not like I'm sleeping around with anyone..." or "Oh, it's not really urgent to change my use of profanity or the Lord's name in vain here and there..." or "I don't really have to stop watching these TV shows...after all, they're only pretend."
Abusing the mercy of God
Say not: "I have sinned, yet what has befallen me?" for the LORD bides his time.
Of forgiveness be not overconfident, adding sin upon sin.
Say not: "Great is his mercy; my many sins he will forgive." [Sirach 5:4-6]
In our modern language, this would align with this way of thought:
"See, nothing really bad happens when I sin. My sins aren't that bad. God is patient and He'll wait for me when I'm ready. But in the mean time, I'll just continue along the way I have been without being too concerned about stopping."
Dangerous. This is an abuse of God's mercy and we are playing with fire. Therein lies hidden a very arrogant and presumptuous attitude towards God marked also by a lack of true contrition for our sins.
In fact, St. James warns against this arrogant attitude of putting off the need to live as God wills us:
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we shall go into such and such a town, spend a year there doing business, and make a profit”— you have no idea what your life will be like tomorrow. You are a puff of smoke that appears briefly and then disappears. Instead you should say, “If the Lord wills it, we shall live to do this or that.” But now you are boasting in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So for one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, it is a sin. [James 4:13-17]
The Lord is patient
The Lord is very patient with us. Now you may think, "Um...you just contradicted yourself with what you just wrote, didn't you?"
You see, when we sincerely resolve to live for the Lord, He is so very, very merciful, gentle, and patient with all our faults and sins. But it is humility and sincerity that our relationship with the Lord must be rooted in:
The prayer of the humble pierces the clouds... [Sirach 35:21]
God resists the proud but shows favor to the humble. [James 4:6]
For our life in the Lord to truly bear fruit, make us holy, and bring God glory, it must be laid in the foundation of humility and sincerity with Him.
Then, we can truly begin to make progress in the spiritual life and union with the Lord.
Merciful and gracious is the LORD,
slow to anger, abounding in mercy.
He will not always accuse,
and nurses no lasting anger;
He has not dealt with us as our sins merit,
nor requited us as our wrongs deserve.
For as the heavens tower over the earth,
so his mercy towers over those who fear him.
As far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our sins from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him. [Psalm 103:8-13]
Our Holy Father Pope Francis proclaimed this the Year of Mercy, so let us draw back to the Lord and do so more fervently.
The stages of our conversion
For this, I'm going to draw primarily from the wisdom of St. Francis de Sales, Doctor of the Church and author of the spiritual classic Introduction to the Devout Life. This book was the first written specifically as spiritual direction for lay people (i.e. those who are not in religious life). In it, St. Francis gives us purifications that that soul must undergo to reach the holiness God desires one to attain.
First, we must realize that when we desire to live rightly and justly, that our conversion to the Lord is a life-long process...
The ordinary purification, whether of body or soul, is only accomplished by slow degrees, step by step, gradually and painfully. [Introduction to the Devout Life, Chapter 5]
Yet this "slow curing" process is the surest remedy to our maladies of sin. So we must be persevering, brave, and patient.
The first step
The first step of conversion of life must be purifying the soul.
"The flowers appear on the earth," says the Heavenly Bridegroom, and the time for pruning and cutting is come. And what, my child, are our hearts' flowers save our good desires? Now, so soon as these begin to appear, we need the pruning hook to cut off all dead and superfluous works from our conscience. [Introduction to the Devout Life, Chapter 5]
What St. Francis is saying is that as soon as our good desires appear and they inspire us to want to live a life more resolutely according to Christ, we need to run with it. It is time to begin and not look back...
Jesus replied, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." [Luke 9:62]
Sometimes, these good desires to live a better Christian life spur up in souls, but then they get muddled by the activity of our lives and distractions, we soon forget about them and they get swept under the rug. The devil loves this tactic of distraction with worldly cares. This is also a neglect, on our part, of those graces God is sending our way to call us to His mercy and life of grace. Sometimes, we hear them, but fear binds us: "What will change?"..."Will my friends leave me?"..."What will this cost me?" Fear is also another great tool of the devil. And he uses it to paralyze us and keep us in bondage to our sin. It is only through drawing to Christ that these chains of slavery to our sin can be broken and we experience greater and greater degrees of interior freedom. Think you're not a slave to your sin - whether it be profanity, pornography, lust, impure thoughts, greed, gossiping and the like? Then try to stop doing it, you'll see... Only Christ can break these chains and lead us to freedom. And God walks with you as you enter upon this journey. He walks with you in every moment and never abandons you.
So...have you been drawn to Christ? If so, realize that this is not wishful thinking, but is truly God's hand of love stretching out to you...
I drew them with human cords,
with bands of love;
I fostered them like those
who raise an infant to their cheeks;
I bent down to feed them.
[Hosea 11:4]
Praise God, He is so good.
What to do? Respond. He is drawing toward you, so draw close to Him.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you of two minds. [James 4:8]
You see, our hearts and minds are divided between God and the world; between God and our sinful desires; between God and the devil. Purify your heart - fix it to God alone.
A fraternal caution
St. Francis warns us of two common temptations to those who set about this path (whether they're at the beginning of the spiritual life or perhaps are being called to a higher degree by the light given to them about a new sin or situation they must leave behind for something much greater and more beautiful).
The first temptation...
"It is a woeful thing to see souls beginning to chafe and grow disheartened because they find themselves still subject to imperfection after having made some attempt at leading a devout life, and well-nigh yielding to the temptation to give up in despair and fall back..." [Introduction to the Devout Life, Chapter 5]
Sometimes as we set about to live a life for Christ and enter into the endeavor of leaving our sins and the sinful aspects of our past life behind, we grow disheartened because we feel it to be impossible. We keep falling into the same sin. When we are faced with these feelings, we feel weak and as though there is not much hope. The devil loves to tempt us further in this despair, causing many who are personally called by Jesus Himself to return to their former way of life. This is a very sad thing and we can learn from the rich young man who felt he could not let go of his possessions and overcome barriers that were holding him back from God and...
...went away sorrowful. [Matthew 19:22]
Thus we will end our lives if we choose to turn away. Like the rich young man, we realize we are lacking in God's grace and the fullness of life and love on account of our sins and thus are being drawn to Him to let Him lead us. We arrive at a point where we encounter the struggle of it. Yet rather than continue to keep our gaze fixed on Christ begging for His grace, the temptation is to give up - thinking it to be too difficult, and thus walk away from God sorrowful.
The second temptation common to those in the beginning of the spiritual life...
...but on the other hand, there is an extreme danger surrounding those souls who, through the opposite temptation, are disposed to imagine themselves purified from all imperfection at the very outset of their purgation (purification from sin); who count themselves as full-grown almost before they are born, and seek to fly before they have wings. [Introduction to the Devout Life, Chapter 5]
On the other end of the spectrum, sometimes those in the beginning of the spiritual life can get ahead of themselves and sometimes their zeal can get the best of them. They think themselves to be holier than they really are and may look down upon others. This is an illusion.
St. Francis tells us that those who believe either way are destined for relapse for "having left their Physician too soon."
He concludes with an sobering yet very encouraging and edifying reminder about conversion in the spiritual life...
The work of the soul's purificaiton neither may nor can end save with life itself; do not then let us be disheartened by our imperfections. Our very perfection lies in diligently contending against them, and it is impossible so to contend without seeing them, or to overcome with meeting them face-to-face. [My emphasis added]
We're in for the long haul! But don't be discouraged; our falls may often mean to root us in humility and utter dependence upon God - virtues so necessary for true progress in the spiritual life. But we will never be conquered unless we lose life (through mortal sin) or courage (give up). St. Francis kindly reminds us that...
...venial sins cannot destroy our spiritual life, which is only to be lost through mortal sin.
So let us not be defeated. Even with mortal sin there is always redemption in Christ through the Sacrament of Confession, which I hope to get into in part two because that is really the first stage of purification - from mortal sin. We cannot move closer to God until we let go of the bondage and darkness of being in a state of mortal sin.
As for now, if you've been feeling drawn to live a life more pleasing to God or are being drawn to be renewed by the fullness of His life and joy, realize that God is truly calling you. So...
...delay not your conversion to the Lord; put it not off from day to day.
~Sirach 5:8